millalla73

Hi! Does anyone have any advice for me, please? I (53 F) was in a relationship with a mother enmeshed man for 30 years (married, two children). I struggled and suffered before realizing the problem was his mother, because so much was going on behind my back. Last year my husband went to therapy and broke free from the enmeshment with his mother. But I suffering from depression, anxiety, and chronic fatigue. I'm in therapy for this and am slowly improving. My husband has truly changed, but I no longer want a relationship. It's very sad. I need advices. Sorry for my English, I'm Italian..

Ciao! Sono la moglie di un mother enmeshed man. Scrivo in italiano e spero che la traduzione sia buona. Mio marito ha fatto terapia ed è uscito dell'invischiamento. Io sto elaborando 30 anni di relazione di coppia molto difficili. Mio marito è una persona adulta in contesti come lavoro e amicizia. Ma era infantile come partner e come padre dei nostri figli. His mother è molto manipolatoria e ha due obiettivi. Il primo è mantenere lui il suo marito surrogato (lei è molto bisognosa e vittima). Il secondo obiettivo è mantenerlo un marito-bambino nella relazione con me (io dovrei essere la madre del mio partner). In passato ho sofferto di depressione, ansia e stanchezza cronica (sono un'insegnan

The real problem with mother-son enmeshment isn't mil. The real problem is the emotional maturity of the enmeshed son. Your partner may be 50 or 60, a doctor or a lawyer, but he needs his mother. He hasn't grown up. He hasn't had an adolescence, he hasn't created an identity separate from his mother. Your partner is not an adult. He's a child, fragile and insecure. You need a man and he doesn't know what that means. His mother treats him like a child, and he feels protected. You treat him like a man, and he's scared. The only help is therapy. A therapist can help him grow, if he wants it.

Hi! Sorry for my English, I'm Italian. I'm a violin teacher. I have a new classroom in a beautiful 18th-century villa. It's small and rectangular. It has a very high ceiling and a polished stone (marble) floor. I can't drill holes in the walls (they're old!), and I can't glue panels to the walls and ceiling. There's a lot of echo. What can I do? I've considered a rug. Would that be helpful? Are there other options? Thanks!

Hi! I need help from other MEM's wives! Brief summary. Married for 23 years, my husband is a MEM. I'm 52, he's 54. We have two children (16, 20). I'm no contact with MIL (since December 2023). My husband is in therapy (about a year). In April 2025, he finally confronted his mother. They argued about my FIL's burial, and my husband got the urn (it's at our house). So, my husband defended his father (MIL had him buried in a mass grave). Now I've asked to work on the three-way relationship: me, him, MIL. My husband said he's ready. He'll arrange a meeting where the couple will be him and me, and MIL will have to remain in her role as mother (not my husband's partner). Please, do you have any ad

Hi! My husband (54) is a recovery MEM. He's gotten better. I set boundaries with his mother (no contact) and he accepted it. In the past, he wouldn't accept my boundaries and always defended his mother (she was very intrusive). Now he's no longer the child-husband who says: "I do whatever my mother wants." Fantastic! But now he's like a teenager who says: "I do things in secret, because my mother doesn't approve." So, he meets his mother and they pretend I don't exist. He avoids talking about me. He says that this way she doesn't get angry. This still seems like enmeshment to me. I wish he would grow up. Am I wrong?

For partners of men/women enmeshed with their parents:

1. Do you think your partner is emotionally immature?
2. Why?
3. Do you think therapy and healing from entrapment will help him/her become emotionally mature? Thank you and sorry for my bad english, I hope my text is understandable 🙏

My husband (54) is a MEM. He is working on healing from the enmeshment with his mother. I would like to know if his difficulty getting rid of unnecessary things is related to enmeshment. For example, today I talked to him about a pile of rocks he put in the garden. The rocks have been there for a year and I struggle to keep the garden clean. He accumulates old/broken/useless things and says they could be useful. I have to tidy up and clean and I'm stressed.

After two couples' sessions, we're now in individual therapy. He's working on enmeshment with his mother. I'm working on "how to feel good in our relationship." I'm no contact with MIL. I asked my husband to stop talking to me about his mother. To stop: "she said..." and "she did...". Today I wrote him this letter: "I'm working on our relationship with the psychologist. In the last meeting, she gave me two instructions: ask for help when I need it and try to lower my defenses with you a little. I'm working hard, but I realize that every time you talk about your mother, my defenses automatically go up. I tense up and become defensive. I'm having a hard time focusing on us as a couple. I still

Do you think MEM's wives are scapegoats? I think my father-in-law was the scapegoat. He died in 1996. Guess when I met my husband? In 1996, right after my father-in-law died. I took on his role as the scapegoat. It's hard to change that. My husband is doing therapy and he's improving. I'm in therapy too. But it's difficoult. For about 30 years, I defended myself from false accusations. I'm not used to working in a team.

Hi! For those who don't know me, my (52F) husband (54M) is a mother enmeshed man. We are doing therapy and there is a lot of improvement. But I have a problem with anxiety. Not always and everywhere. For example, at work (I'm a teacher) I'm not anxious. Instead, I'm anxious about house (organization, cleaning, order..). I think that being so many years (23) with a MEM has made me very insecure. For many reasons. For example, his mother seemed much better than me as a housewife (cooking, cleaning..). But she is a housewife. The "perfect housewife". Everyone applauded. I am also a teacher. And my husband and I divide the housework. Then, I felt disapproved by him for mistakes and forgetfulness