millennialintent

About thirty minutes ago I was convinced I had covid and the dizzy spells I was experiencing were some form of brain damage. I had done my classic googling and found articles or information which confirmed my suspicions (because I was looking for it! That doesn’t make it correct!).

I got myself so worked up that I was on the brink of passing out - so dizzy that I couldn’t even think straight.

BUT I acted quickly, opened headspace on ‘managing anxiety’ set it to 20 Minutes and did the scan and breathing saying 1,2 over and over as my breathe in and out and catching my thinking whenever it tried to return to the idea with noting. It took about 5-10 minutes but the longer I persisted, the c

For me, if I paint a picture, I almost can’t stop looking at it, partly because I can’t believe I created it, and partly because I want to see if I can do anything to make it more perfect.

The same goes for when I record myself singing a song. I just obsessively listen to it over and over. It’s not narcissism, but more like wonder and obsession.

Does anyone else have e same thing?

When I’m very depressed, I sometimes imagine myself wailing, really sobbing, but I can never get the imagination of that action to translate into real life. I’ve had a breakdown and I cried for months nearly every day, but since then I have been unable to do it. Even before, I struggled when my stress was high, to make it translate.

Do any of you have similar fantasies about displaying emotions which are not coming out in your real life due to stress or difficulty?

I look back at my life. I think that I was always wrong or out of sorts with being human. At least before, I didn’t know it yet. I hadn’t worked it up to the forefront of my mind. Now all I can think is ‘the world broke you before you even had a chance, like the seed that landed in the lake, and not on the field.’

You downed as you came and you rot as you go. There is nothing for you but sadness and the quickening of mortality now. Times goes and your cells divide, like so many split ends ready for the chop. You’re fraying apart. You were never even together. You’re a disaster and a joke and the world spins anyway, seemingly as if it means to shake you off entirely.

My god, this is mean,

She dreamt also that this was the first time I had not worn a hat or cloak or some other shroud. I was in the garden covered in birds and woodland animals. She was behind me holding her two cats, trying to stop them from attacking.

Interpretations?

Is this normal? I was hypertensive until I started taking my preventer twice a day. Now my blood pressure seems to have come down to normalish levels.

I wonder if untreated asthma can cause this issue and if anyone has had similar?

Thanks in advance!