russianproblem

I had a traumatic experience in my childhood, and it seems to be the reason for such isolation.

I have a lot of unspoken things. So much that I get lost in these thoughts and it seems I will never be able to spill them all.

My social circle consists only of my parents, an online friend, communication with whom is now becoming formal and my therapist.

I'm paranoid almost every day. It's probably clear but I'm paranoid right now. I'm so tired of this. I guess I think too much, but that's how it is.

I have only one person to talk to and this person now have "more than a friend" and a lot of friends.

I was extremely jealous at first that caused arguments between us. Now half a year later I'm not really jealous but envious so so much.

The solution would seem simple, but the problem is that I CANNOT talk to anyone. This is a problem that neither doctors nor I nor my parents have been able to solve since my teenage years.

We are still friends, but I feel disgusted when I see how good she is with her friend (her friend is a girl).

I can't talk to people and I envy literally all my peers and their abilities to communicate in some way. My eq is really low according to my therapist and I believe that is the reason I find it difficult to form any close connections with any people.

I never had any goals as well. It feels like I don't need to but my life feels strange and abstract because of it.

When I have a close person, I instantly become attached and dependent. This obviously spoils and eventually ruins the relationship.

This may seem random, but I have also completely lost my memory, which makes it difficult for me not only to speak coherently, but also to talk about my problems, like now, for example. Even now I u

Man. I have an unfounded fear that the girl I'm talking to is a lesbian. We're not even dating, but that's beside the point. I'm just curious about the source and reason for this fear, because I've never heard anything like it before.

In my poor experience, there are only 3 types of friends. Friends with whom you communicate for a long time, for years without any reason to stop communicating. Friends with whom communication ends in a week, when there is no attachment yet. And friends with whom communication ends in about a year.

It's clear that this is a problem with my social skills. But from these same people (friends of type 3) I hear that this is normal, this is how any friendship goes.

If this is so, then in order not to suffer for a long time after the end of the friendship, you first need to experience many such friendships. And if not, then the problem is in me and excessive attachment.

I want to ask where I'm

Lately all I've been doing is cutting off all contacts with loved ones and I don't know why.
it feels like the personality is divided into 1, the one who is engaged in self-flagellation, says that I won’t get out of this, and asking for help means making others drown with me, and 2, the one who is looking for help and warmth and says that everything is still possible to decide.
Previously, 2 tried to do something and it helped, but now he sees that from the outside it looks like a monstrous mood swing and does not want to make his loved ones worry about me.
As a result, communication, which for 3 months was active, daily and warm, stopped and turned into ignore with periodic explanatio

I've been feeling strange lately, I can't explain it to myself, so I decided to ask you for help. Below I will list the symptoms of my condition. I would be glad to get an outside assessment of the condition and advice on what to do about it or something like that.

1. Deep sleep: maximum 10%, instead of 40-60
2. Fatigue: no strength or desire to get out of bed. I want to sleep, but I can’t sleep. If I spend the whole day in bed, then I will simply have an uninteresting day. If i study, i have neither the energy nor the concentration to think about studying. At this time, all my thoughts are - what is happening to me, it will probably soon end in suicide and the like.
3. Irritability, deta

I am reflecting on a missed childhood, where I didn't take advantage of many opportunities to gain experience. Now, I find it unsettling to acknowledge this, especially when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. I was hesitant to make mistakes and try new things back then, and it's hard to accept the consequences of those missed chances. I know I'm not the only one grappling with this issue, but it makes me susceptible to overthinking and feeling insignificant.

I've been struggling to figure out and understand my emotions. Recently, I find it challenging to identify what I'm feeling and how to cope with it. I can only recognize if I'm feeling good or bad.

Just a week ago, I was in touch with and aware of my emotions. However, now all my emotions feel significantly dulled.

This issue is affecting my relationships and making it difficult for me to connect with others and even with myself. However, I find some relief in this state and feel less stressed about everything.