themeeb

Let me set the scene:

You're bed sharing with a toddler. After nearly 2 hours, they have finally fallen asleep...upside down...one foot resting on your head...intermittently kicking you. You had chili for dinner, and it has been percolating inside you for hours. It currently feels like Satan is stirring your guts with a pitchfork. If you move, the toddler will wake up. There is an enormous heater of a fart welling up inside you. You're clenching your sphincter as hard as you can, but you're losing the battle.

Do you move and wake the toddler? Or, do you stay still and just release what is surely toxic gas on their head?

Asking for an...ummm...friend

but there's a toddler with a glow in the dark binky standing on the mattress next to you grinning like a deranged, bipedal anglerfish.

My little angry potato (17 months) keeps shitting out her asshole. It's stressing me out--ER and doctors visits. Oh... You can try pushing it back in... If it keeps happening, she'll need to see a GI. Happened 5 times between yesterday and today. It's horrifying and sad. My husband had to push it back in twice yesterday.

I want to be able to get up each day, brush my teeth, shower, and dry my hair.

I sleep with our 15 month old. If I get up in the morning, she wakes up ... So, I can shower while she has a nervous breakdown or ai can skip showering and hope to if I can sneak out during her nap.

I just tried to sneak out... She woke up. I'm laying here in her bed crying, because I feel so hopeless and subhuman. I have no control in my day. I just want to feel clean.

Kiddo (9) received a birthday party invitation today. It's a party for 3 siblings, because their birthdays are close together. I'm reading it and get to:

"Gifts are not necessary at all! But if you're anything like me, I always get a gift. I've added some gift ideas IN CASE you wanted to get one. Please do not feel obligated at all. "

I always buy a gift, but this really rubbed me the wrong way. Also, do I have to buy gifts for the siblings as well or just the kid that my kids knows?

You get excited when the Shipt shopper has to text you, because something is out of stock. I start yammering at the poor dude every week... Excerpts from today:

Dude:

The store does not have the requested product, Kellogg's Pop-Tarts Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pastries, available.

Me: And the big thing of pop tarts is fine... Just means I'll be tempted to eat them and not just give them to my kiddo 😁🙂

Dude:

The bananas are very ripe Would you like anyway?

Me:. Sure!! If they turn too fast, I can make banana bread to go with my pop tarts 😁

Dude: The store does not have the requested product, Roma Tomatoes - Good & Gather, available.

Me: Let's go with the beefsteak tomatoes...a

Laying here in the dark on my phone. My stomach is roiling. It feels almost like I'm pregnant again, and the baby is kicking. But it's not that. I'm sweating and in pain. I hear gentle snores coming from the pack n play next to me. I clench my ass cheeks together. If I die with this fart inside me, at least I won't have woken up the baby, and I'll die in peace and quiet.

My 8yo autistic daughter loved her dog more than anything in the universe. We got it for her when she was 2, and it was the sweetest creature. Everyone who met her fell in love with the dog. It was sweet, patient, and just had those soulful eyes.

The dog lived with my ex and my daughter is with me until Friday, so she doesn't know yet. Do we tell her tomorrow? Do we wait until after Thanksgiving (she loves holidays and I'm afraid this could ruin Thanksgiving for her forever).

Guys, this dog was magical. I'm destroyed knowing she's no longer in this world. She was the purest soul.

Edited to add:. The dog was only 8 yo with no known medical issues--she checked out fine at her phys

My 8yo autistic daughter loved her dog more than anything in the universe. We got it for her when she was 2, and it was the sweetest creature. Everyone who met her fell in love with the dog. It was sweet, patient, and just had those soulful eyes.

The dog lived with my ex and my daughter is with me until Friday, so she doesn't know yet. Do we tell her tomorrow? Do we wait until after Thanksgiving (she loves holidays and I'm afraid this could ruin Thanksgiving for her forever).

Guys, this dog was magical. I'm destroyed knowing she's no longer in this world. She was the purest soul.

Edited to add:. The dog was only 8 yo with no known medical issues--she checked out fine at her phys