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Without depression I don't have an excuse to be lazy, to be incapable, to be stupid, to not have any confidence, to isolate, to not make friends, to be moody, to make bad decisions.

Without depression I would have to face all of my issues and realise that all of it is my fault.

I hide behind the diagnosis.

I've had some binging moments in my life, binging shows, binging games, binging some subject in schools, binging books... nowadays I can't quite appreciate things as I use to, and it makes me envious, I've overheard people my age or a bit younger talking about all the shows they watch, some people talking about all the sports they watch, all the books they read, all the languages they learn... it makes me envious, me the do nothing, no hobbies, lonely guy.

Hello everyone, I'm a French student and my degree is heavily oriented towards translation, but I don't know how to find material to practice, as something with a real review, or a professional aspect to it. Do you think I could try to take on small jobs, to the risk of being forever black listed?
Or could I find some non paid translations to do?

I need a way to practice my skills and maybe build some kind of portfolio but I have no idea where to start, beside translating anything and everything (articles as a blog, wikipedia, etc)... biggest issue is how to get some feedback on it?
How to build some valuable experience, recognized by professionals?

A long time ago, I decided to embark on a degree that would lead to jobs, but I wasn't skilled enough, I failed.

After that I did some shit, then decided to embark on a degree that wouldn't lead to jobs, but I was killed at, I mildly succeeded.

Recently I've embarked on the next step of this degree, it won't lead to jobs, and I don't have the skilled to do it. I'm failing.

Every day, I do some random useless shit, I fail most of it, I have no future, I couldn't find a job, I'll be in terrible situation in a few months.

I'm too anxious to move on and take responsibilities, I'm too depressed to see lights these days.
Everything is shit, there is no point, my city is full

Life is fucking pointless.
You have to find a job to provide with basic needs, because the street is hard and you'll starve and die.
You also need the job to stay sane, without it you do nothing all day but ruminate the bad thoughts and realise how pointless life is.

Also when you come home, you are tired enough so you can sleep and not have some weird insomnia fueled with the bad thoughts at night as well.
Tomorrow you'll be sick and diminished, after tomorrow you'll be dead.
Everyone you love, you'll lose them, either they'll die or you will, there is no effing escape.
And I? I can't even find a job to make life bearable, I'll be either on welfare or homeless, I have an

I have a driving phobia.
My father is taking care of all my expenses, and now he is in a wheelchair.
I can't drive to help him.
I'm a fking failure.

You know how to realize whether you are a good or bad person?
By listening to others complaining and ranting about people, they will mention flaws and red flags, and you can then know if you are good or bad person.
Even if I'd got a relationship tomorrow, I would be full of red flags: not hanging out with friends, not having hobbies, not having conversations, clingy, insecure, etc.

I don't know how to fix all those things, one day I'll do some exercising programme, the next day I'll be munching on some junk food, and I have no personality, no discussions, nothing at all...

I'm bound to be alone, I don't even know if I should try anymore.

As an example I listen to 25 to life with Deja vu.
Hello with Same song and dance.
Despicable with Elevator.