‘Stop crying. The neighbours can hear you’
My girlfriend broke up with me today, and I’m just having a lot of self loathing because it was pretty much my fault. It all kind of overflowed as I went to bed and I was loud ugly crying in my bed.
Enter my mum:
“Stop crying. The neighbours can hear…”
“Well you said it wasn’t working out anyways.”
“ Mrs X’s daughter broke up from a 6 year relationship and she was fine.”
“You’re a guy you need to cope with these things.”
“We’ve gone through these things too it’s fine.”
…I was trying to let it all out but now I can’t even do that, plus a few extra hits from those comments. I already felt super alone and now I somehow feel even less supported even from my own parents. I was crying also about how my medical school rotations are starting again, and I feel so tired and overwhelmed. Mums first response was ‘don’t you dare let this affect your career.’
I want a cuddle except the only person I could get it from is gone now. I hate my life.
Posted Jun 10, 2023, 12:34 PM UTC · edited
Reading this made me sick. Honestly, would it kill them to say something comforting or lend a shoulder, or at least to just SHUT UP??
Going through breakups can be hard. Please, please, PLEASE don't feel bad for crying it out. It's OKAY to cry. Take this experience and try to enrich the next one.
Fucking cunts. Honestly. If you want your boys to be stronger, this is NOT how you do it.
Holy, am I so triggered right now. They're just there, spouting shit uselessly while you suffer through something that you haven't been through before in their ivory tower of life experience. THAT'S THE POINT. HE HASN'T GONE THROUGH THAT BEFORE. NOW ACT LIKE A PARENT AND I don't know, GUIDE him through this heartbreak since you have that life experience, instead of rubbing your son's face in it like rubbing into a pile of shit?? Because that's what your "life experience" is like now. Useless and condescending.
Look, young man. You are going to be fine. But cry it out, do something fun for yourself. The how's and the why's can be left till later to be analyzed.
It's going to be fine. You're going to try to be a better boyfriend next time. But now is time to rest a bit. Reflect later.
This was what I needed to read. It’s so validating and I feel motivated…somewhat. I love you people man.
saying this the most respectful way possible, heat and pressure forms diamonds.
And this is what people say when you treat people like objects.
If I want to retort at your level, wrong heat and pressure can crack the clay pot you're trying to make.
All his parents are doing are telling him to ignore his emotions and stop crying because they don't want to see weakness. This is not how true strength works. True strength is when you get confronted with adversities and emotions, duly processed it, then learn lessons from it and moving on stronger. You and his parents are essentially telling him to just mask over the surface of the defect of the clay pot and putting it into the oven with raging heat while we here all say that you smooth over the defect from inside-out before putting it into the oven with appropriate heat.
Being nice to girls without actually being genuinely a good person inside and you get a "Nice Guy" incel. Appearing outwardly "strong" without actual cultivated strength and you get a miserable insecure person that'll have no problem justifying being treated like a doormat because it makes him look "strong". Sounds familiar?
What OP's facing is big for his stage of life. Let him process it healthily. Your inspirational quote is as flashy and shiny as the veneers OP's parents are wanting OP to put on his unhealed wound: Surface-level and pretentious.
With no offense intended, you are the AP we are talking about in this sub.
Great response! Wish I had an award to give to your words.
I guess you're true in that logic but you just gave me a new idea. Some people are born diamonds, others the dull clay pot. When heat and pressure is applied on a diamond it becomes stronger and a beautiful shine. Apply heat and pressure to the clay however and it turns more ugly and dull. I guess the people of the subreddit are all clay pots they could never be as valuable as diamonds. The reason why your parents were hard on you guys was because they don't their child to be clay, they want a diamond, but that could never happen. You were born clay, will live as clay for long time, then die as clay, living your singular life as nothing extraordinary.
Considering many of you took offense to that simple phrase it also tells me you guys have such a weak, weak, weak mentality. I bet you guys don't even last 5 seconds on the treadmill lol. If asian parents are the number 1 reason for your pain, this subreddit is reason 2. This subreddit is pathetic, none of you guys go to therapy, you guys just complain to others trying to suck out attention and sympathy because you know you're worthless but want other people to say the opposite. Well you guys may not take this idea that much and no one is forcing you. If you guys are under 18 you can change. But if you're an adult on this subreddit I don't even expect much from a grown man still complaining and wanting sympathy.
If that is literally all you took from my comment, then good luck to you, Mr. New Redditor for 50 minutes.
May you get someone to change... only into the version that you like. I am sure it will be a wonderful relationship.
Everyone is a diamond if you polish it correctly. But sure. Immediately categorize everyone as diamonds and claypots, you being the strong, STRONG diamond star that you are, or course!! Keep being an asshole to your kid and see what happens.
Weak it is. You willingly came to someone who is currently vulnerable specifically in a RANT post in a moment of vulnerability and called him WEAK. LOL you can't make this shit up. That's literally called BULLYING. Another one of those assholes with hollow bravado. You're exactly the AP we're talking about. But sure. Keep beating the kid up to make it stronger!! Keep creating more broken people!! Bravo!! Keep telling your kid he's weak! I am SURE he will learn not to be weak. Just because you tell him so. Just tell a kid to stop falling down from a bike when it's the first time he's riding it! SO helpful!!
There are tons here that go to therapy but of course you don't want to see those posts. Your account only existed for a mere second after all. And of course in a lot of Asian places there's not even a therapist to speak of because there's simply no market for it because of the culture, and a lot of us can't afford it, and some of us are still minors under our helicopter parents' grip so sure! tHeRaPy!! It's SO EASY!!
Keep lashing out. Contrary to your belief, NO ONE is taking offense to you. We just simply see you for what you are as clear as we can see the back of our hand (we've went through it all our lives and woke up to it, after all), and it's fucking sad. You can keep clowning and beating your chest in your AP bravado all you like. I guess no one ever allowed you to cry because just look how triggered you are because SOMEONE, GOD FORBID is sad.
OP, this is what you become when you allow your parents to influence you to only appear strong without any substance to back it up. He's dime a dozen. You're good. You got that? We must be better.
We don’t need diamonds in a world of consciousness