Wiremaze [1986]
Hi all, back with another iteration of a first chapter i posted two months ago.
The original was in 1st person, which i came to realise didn't match the vision i had for this story.
I've been writing and rewriting this one chapter for almost a month, so it's gotten to the point where i can no longer recognise the words on the page.
So feel free to rip it entirely to shreds. I need to see it from other people's eyes.
I have two main questions.
- Is the pacing too slow?
- Is the world-building exposition heavy?
I would also like to know general opinions on the dialogue, characterisation and the setting.But of course, anything goes. Mention anything that sticks out to you as you see fit.
Lastly, the title of this novel is but a working title, so you can leave that out of the critique.
Here is the blurb.
"In the year 2040, a separatist movement rises to challenge the authority of the British government and monarchy. Meanwhile, environmental monitoring robots discover a labyrinthine network of fractal wires beneath the earth called leywires, capable of weaving reality itself.
Two decades later, the Martialists, a collective of hundreds of independent military forces, reclaim the nation from a passive central government, vying to squash the separatists once and for all and reinstate the monarchy under the auspices of the former King's Grandson. However, their seemingly triumphant reign is soon plagued by a series of mysterious and strategic murders, occurring like clockwork every other night at 3am, spanning the entire country. The enigmatic mastermind behind these killings introduces a lethal and ancient combat sport, known as AxeEarth. Fuelled by the power of the mycological network, teams of three must battle to gain control of strategic bases on a four-quadrant grid overlaying the earth, thus gaining access to the leywires' immense power. Against this backdrop, three disparate characters across the UK— the prince-elect, the son of a separatist revolutionary, and a military general in training— shun their conventional paths to navigate the perilous game of AxeEarth, determined to wield the leywires' power to protect their loved ones. Yet, the far-reaching power of the leywires beguiles more than just the robots, and all three boys soon find themselves embroiled in a battle of values against their fellow humans, struggling against the unchecked might of the deadly game."
Thanks!
Link to chapter:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1lYBTJqyxykET4XzZ5T-2WXgsknzUuT118jPISIipo3M/edit?usp=sharing
Critiques:
[1867] Shaderheim: Fairytale of the Damned":
[2349] (Part 2/3) White Summer:
Posted Jul 24, 2023, 7:51 PM UTC