[2994] Burls and Burl Beasts - Chapter 1

Hi all,

I'm getting my submission package ready and wanted to make sure my first chapter was as tight as possible.

Brief synopsis: Seventeen-year-old twins Lia and Ali alternate control of their shared body. Lia, quiet and neurotic, controls their body during the day. Ali, hot-headed and sharp-tongued, takes the lead at night. The story is told in alternative 1st person POV and follows Lia and Ali as they search for a way to seperate while hiding their secret from their new team mates. YA Dark Fantasy.

Critiques here [1469], here [1069], and here [548]

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Any and all feedback is welcome. Many thanks.