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r/AskWomenNoCensor•
SPdoc

What is something spiteful someone once close to you has done?

Question Rant

Yea, I need to get this rant off my chest in this community about a toxic former woman friend.

I cut her off due to manipulative tendencies that made our friendship unhealthy, and she decided, out of pettiness, to message an old fling (who’s been my friend for couple years) of mine out of what I presume is petty revenge. Revenge because I dumped her as a friend (and I dealt with a lot of gaslighting or hoovering from her when I tried to break the friendship off).

In fact, when I confronted her after finding out, she was back peddling and even gaslighting (by claiming my old fling “misinterpreted” the exchange) only to admit “yea us being mad at each other contributed.” And she’d go back to being evasive and eventually blocked me. And for the record my old fling literally reached out to me to let me know out of genuine regard since he was surprised she was talking about me to him.

In addition to revenge over me cutting her off, I suspect internalized misogyny/jealousy as a possible motive too (tho not given). In a nutshell, she’s had a strong fixation with being, in her words, a conventional “9/10” and viewed “girl next door” types as “less attractive” and often lamented men being more likely to (again her words) “commit to 7s.” This showed up in some interactions as her being jealous when a guy subjectively preferred my looks (whether or not id care), which makes me suspect that she could’ve chosen to get validation from a past partner of mine who was attracted to date me once. My old fling literally told me she tried to sext him, and said things I told her abt mine and his past sex life (and he indeed turned down her sexting attempts and blocked her).

But yea everyone here’s my recent story. Yall welcome to let out and dump your stories. Or just commiserate over mine or other commenters’ stories.

Posted Dec 23, 2023, 12:52 AM UTC

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DConstructed•

To me it sounds less like revenge and more like trying to plow past the fact that you blocked her by accessing a person you were once close to.

She gets to have attention from someone who loved you which probably makes her feel better about herself AND she has forced you to think about her despite the fact that you don’t want to.

She sounds like a stalker.

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SPdocOP•

That’s a good point. Wouldn’t put that past her either. Can’t say whether or not she was narcissistic but definitely had strong ego and control tendencies.

When I suspected revenge. Among things she told my ex fling were “she (I) still thinks of you (I did struggle with infatuation for a long time as I’m anxiously attached)” and that stuff abt mine and his sex life.

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MilkPudding•

I mean. I already told you about the “friend” who made hundreds of troll accounts to harass me/attempt to ruin my reputation in our weird little online community. That’s probably the most extreme thing.

Your ex-friend gives me the same vibes—she views you as “less” than her and is resentful when she perceives that you have more success in whatever thing she decides to compete with you over.

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SPdocOP•

Yes I remember, and I think I mentioned this same ex friend at the time.

Wanting my ex fling’s validation is a speculation. But yea this wanting to be “better” in terms of looks was evident one time when we talked abt how race and eurocentricity affects our dating lives. She turned it into an argument really, esp after I said she fits standards I don’t, I fit standards she doesn’t, and who’s preferred will at the end of the day depend on someone’s subjective preferences (and what may have additionally set her off is me acknowledging we may not fit eurocentricity to the extent of someone like my stepsister or some of our known woc celebs). And then that only led to her accusing me of having a “warped” perception of beauty and insisting “the average person would rank me higher than you” (she was also adamant on downplaying certain conventional standards she deviates from, which is fine but looking back shows how much her ego was attached to those standards). And saying I “rank” my stepsister higher because of my “warped perception.”

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MilkPudding•

These people need to go touch grass seriously.

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SPdocOP•

Dunno if my edit went through by the time you replied, but Yea if ya see my edited last sentence isn’t it kind of hypocritical?

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MilkPudding•

Oh I didn’t see that.

Most people are incredibly morally inconsistent.

And acknowledging that eurocentric beauty standards impact how we perceive attractiveness is just…sociology. It’s not like it’s a personal slight against any individual.

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Linorelaiwoman•

My granny is 50 shades of spiteful.

For example, we had a closed litter box with a door. And she'd take this door off to clean up the litter box, instead of taking the whole "roof" off which it's designed for. Soon the plastic door holders got in a poor condition, few more times and they'd break.

I showed her how to open the litter box once again, she still did as she used to do, I then put a note on the door "no taking the door off" so that she'd remember.

She took it as criticism and wasn't speaking for me for 5 days, instead she was leaving me passive aggressive notes everywhere where I missed something. "No leaving dirty mugs on the counter!” "No closing the door loudly in the morning!" "No opening windows, I'm cold!" etc.

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SPdocOP•

Jeez that’s crazy petty lmao

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