[2988] A Rock Inside a Fire, complete short story (part i)

Hiya, my first attempt at posting this got flagged for leeching so now I've broken it down :D

For a bit of context, this started out as purely a writing exercise that, after about 2000 words, I thought oh well let's see what happens and here we are. An unfortunate consequence of being a writing exercise is that my automatic reflex to write a Greek myth retelling (with some questionable divergences) kicked in. Yes, I am a wannabe Madeline Miller. She hasn't written any new books and I need to fill the space with something.

I know there are issues with exposition, pacing and the overall structure but the editing is going to drive me mad unless I get some fresh eyes on it. In general, I only really have three questions.

1. Is it boring?
2. Should Xanthus die? Either within the narrative or being cut out of the story.
3. How might you rate it out of 10?

Merci!

part i

One final note regarding the fact that this is a retelling. Since I have no expectation that everyone is familiar with the Greek mythos and my own exposition work is virtually non-existent, I've written a brief summary here of the key myth I'm adapting (with some changes). Please feel free though to take a crack at reading without the extra info, that's also too and probably better for destroying me :)

!In Ancient Greece, Semele is a mortal woman who becomes a priestess to Zeus, the king of the gods. One day, spying her bathing in a river, Zeus flies down and begins a secret affair. When his wife, Hera, discovers this, she disguises herself as a crone and tricks Semele into asking Zeus to reveal his true form. As this true form is a literal embodiment of his raw power, Semele (now pregnant with the god Dionysus) promptly explodes.!<

Critiques:

[2931] Tombo

[910] Chapter 1: A Recording of Doubts