I slept with my ex-husband last night

I am NOT Original OP, OOP is u/exhusband010 posting in r/offmychest

➤Mood spoilers: >!Potentially wholesome, but inconclusive!<

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[Original | April 5th, 2016] I slept with my ex-husband last night.

My ex and I got a divorce three years ago because I didn't want children. It was an irreconcilable difference. We loved each other very much, but I just couldn't give him what he actually wanted.

Let me be clear: he is the love of my life, I stand firm on that. The last night we spent together in our house--the day after the divorce was finalized--we slept together. He told me he would love me forever. I said the same thing. He moved away. We didn't speak until last week.

I ran into him at the shopping mall in town. He was buying presents for his nephews. He looked just as sexy and amazing as before, I almost didn't recognize him. He told me he moved out of state, got a job, but decided to move back. We went and got dinner. It was like the last three years hadn't even happened.

Halfway through dinner, I found myself holding his hand. He was using his thumb to stroke my hand. It was so intimate. When the check came, he had tears in his eyes. I asked him if he was okay, and he told me that he loved me. I didn't say it back, but we went to his apartment and had sex. Multiple times. All night.

I love him. I still love him. I want to be with him, but I can't give him what he wants. But we're getting dinner tomorrow. We're going to talk. I feel awkward, but I want to know if there is a future for us after all.

Relevant & Top Comments

Commenter 1: So how did y'all not discuss children before you got married? Not being rude, honestly just asking.

OOP: This question is not rude at all! We were asked that a lot! We met when we were both 21, dated for almost ten years. Got married when we were in our early thirties. While we dated, we discussed children. But I always said I wasn't "ready." He told me, "When we're older, you will be." At the time, I thought maybe it was just the timing and that he was right. But after we got married, the discussion of children came up. We were married for five years. I never changed my mind.

Commenter 2: Life is so cruel, to let us find the one we can love so fiercely and truly, and yet have there be so huge a disconnect in the futures you want for yourselves.

You did the right thing at the time, letting him go so that he could pursue a future with children in it. Don't doubt the decision you made at the time- it was the mature decision, and ultimately a great sacrifice for you for the sake of his long term happiness.

But life changes things. Maybe some of the factors that led you to make that decision originally have changed. I hope things work out for you guys. Fingers crossed.

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[Update | April 7th, 2016 | 2 Days Later] I am in love with my ex-husband.

So I just posted here a few days ago about how I slept with my ex-husband. We got divorced a few years as a result of me not wanting children. I ran into him recently and we've picked up where we left off.

I had dinner with him last night at his apartment. He cooked dinner as he always did when we were together. I spent the time before we ate cleaning the table and the kitchen, as I always did when we were together. We fell back into this comfortable routine that we had when we were together all those years ago.

We had dinner, but I decided to tell him straight up how I felt: I still do not want children, even though I'm in my mid-thirties, I don't want them. I will never want them. And that I didn't want to lead him on. He stopped me in the middle of my nervous rant and told me the following:

He did a lot of growing in the three years I didn't see him. After we got divorced, he moved in with his brother and sister-in-law. His brother and his wife left for a few months to do some mission work in Africa and he agreed to watch their children (his nephews). He said that in the six months he got to take care of them, he understood what it was like to be a parent. He told me that it's more than just cleaning up their messes and changing diapers, but it's being a friend to them and giving up your life in order to let them grow.

He told me that he didn't know just how much work it was to have a child. He said he liked the idea of children, and he still does--but he doesn't ever see himself as a father. He doesn't ever see himself splitting himself in two to devote himself to a child in that way, and he doesn't want to. He understood me, and he said he understands why he waited so long to start having conversations about children in our relationship--because he wasn't ready, and never would be.

When he said all of this, I was taken aback. I wasn't sure how to react. I brought him back to reality; I told him to make sure he wasn't just saying this to please me. He started crying and begged me to forgive him, because he said that's why he didn't reach out to me after he had this realization. He's the one that filed for divorce and essentially made me feel like I was wrong for not wanting to have children. But I never felt wrong, I just felt left out? I guess that's how to say it.

We talked for hours. It's currently 3am, and he just fell asleep. I'm sitting in his living room. I am so in love with him. Before he fell asleep, I told him I love him--and I will always love him. He leaned up and kissed me. My stomach aches because I just love him so much. I joked that we should run to the chapel and get married. He said that he's free this weekend, but I'm not sure if he was serious or not.

I love him. I'm also a little drunk because I drank so much wine. But I'm so happy and feel so great.

Relevant & Top Comments

Commenter 1: Congratulations! With that said, I'd say take things slowly. You've spent three years apart growing as individuals and need time to learn who the other is again to some degree.

Spend lots of time talking about things with one another and decide what you both want. It sounds like it will be each other. DATE AGAIN! Use this as a fantastic opportunity to not just rekindle the relationship but the romance as well!

You get a second chance to act like schoolkids dating for the first time and that is a great thing. Embrace it!

Commenter 2: I hate crying. I'm a 40 year old man with an ugly cry that's currently trying to hide that he's crying in his cubical.

This is really beautiful and like an overly happy ending to a romantic comedy. All we need is for you to write the script and to get Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan on board.

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Editor's note: OOP has not posted since then, but I thought this update was a promising & hopeful story to share

THIS IS A REPOST SUB—I AM NOT OOP. DO NOT COMMENT ON THEIR POSTS