[1541] Marco, Chapter I

Alright, here we go again. This is an Nth rewrite of the first chapter which I'm afraid has set off the 4th "overall" rewrite of the book. It's been a few days, so I'm emotionally not quite as tender, so I think I'm ready to share just a bit. I do believe I managed to make a little "connect the dots" drawing with this one, made a point.

Disclaimer: second person, somewhat idiosyncratic. Requires slow reading.

I welcome any critique, but if you're gonna tell me you "skimmed it" I need you to let down your pants and whip yourself hard with a leather belt. Deal?

Link to text: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RUJ-kKydSYmp3PppB0fpl1OVBqTzRkVIBNnl3JmvKrU/edit?tab=t.0

Crits for cred: [1433] [2201]

Some homework for you - it'll be in the exam 😉

Questions:

1. How would you feel in place of the character, in the same situation? Did your own perception of the situation clash with his, what role did the second person play in it?

2. What would you say the character is focused on the most? What drives him? What would you say are the things the main character knows but doesn't consciously understand?

3. What's your opinion on the prose and possible intention behind it?

And also don't forget to critique other elements, as per RDR rules - font choice, length of dashes, postliberal neo-phoneticism, orthoqraphy.