[970] First Chapter of a Story I'm Currently Writing

Hey everyone! I've been meaning to write this story for a while, and I finally started it. I have finished the first chapter and would really appreciate any feedback about it before I move on with the rest of it. Tyyyy :))))

Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Gmy6dQieXGqQ50fhKYRPB0b8dkfqhKwWcVci7NkJlW8/edit?usp=sharing

Critique 1 [728]: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1tx7m1c/comment/opy07ks/?context=3

Critique 2 [1824]: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1tsmxbh/comment/opy6tie/?context=3