A concrete tip for staying away from porn - Be kind to yourself

This post is part of an ongoing series of posts about staying away from porn

Be kind to yourself

When we slip, the most natural reaction in the world is frustration. Sometimes it can feel like a relapse has robbed us of all of our hard-earned progress, so it can be difficult not to harshly judge ourselves for it. Unfortunately, this very natural and understandable reaction is counterproductive to our recovery. Negative feelings about ourselves can lead to feelings of failure, which can lead to shame. Shame has a tendency to feed upon itself in a "shame spiral". And a shame spiral is definitely NOT a recovering addict's friend.

So you should try hard not to beat yourself up when you slip. Easier said than done, I know. Here are some tips:

• Celebrate your progress. Are your clean streaks longer now than when you started? Well then that's cause for celebration. We get discouraged when we look only at how far we have to go, instead of remembering how far we've come.

• On good days, take a few minutes to feel good about your recovery. If we only think about (and write about and talk about ) our recovery when things are going bad, we're losing out on some great opportunities to energize ourselves in our recovery. On a good day, when you are thriving without porn, take just a few moments to cherish the feeling of freedom. That will energize you, and help to put the bad days into perspective.

• Look at the forest, not just the trees. When you slip, you need to reset your badge, and that can look like an absolute failure. But we also have another tool for tracking progress - the calendar. The calendar gives an overview of our progress, and that can often remind us that we are not failing at all, but getting better.

• Be optimistic. When you talk to yourself, speak in positive terms. Always remember, it gets better.

• Visualize future success. Begin with the end in mind.