Source
r/breakingmom•
E-Unit

3 Month Update: My husband killed himself

update

So it's been a little over 3 months and overall my daughter and I are doing really well.

The biggest thing I've gathered from this experience is that even in the darkest of times, there are things to be grateful for and beauty to be found. I always knew I had a very supportive family and group of friends, but I never really knew the depth of that support.

In the initial 2 weeks after he died, friends, family and strangers donated $15k to help my daughter and I get back on our feet. This was something that at the time I had no idea how crucial that would be to helping us move towards a new normal. People helped us move, cooked food, let me cry in their arms at work, offered up babysitting and have come to visit us (we're a state away from most). My dance studios have made it free for me to take classes and I've got a friend at work who grocery shops for me once a month and so many people have taken the time to reach out to make sure we're okay.

Also, I got a new tattoo. I've had a family tree on my back for the last 7 years and ever since my daughter was born almost 2 years ago I've wanted to add something for her. So I had a butterfly added and they mixed some of his ashes in so just as he will always be a big part of who she is, he's reflected as such in my tattoo.

http://imgur.com/a/Dyozv

It seems strange in such a fucked up situation to feel gratitude but I do. I feel immensely grateful. Grateful for my beautiful daughter, grateful that the news story done on my husband has prevented several suicides (they reached out to the reporter to let him know), grateful for a great relationship with my MIL, grateful for the promotion I got at work last month that allows me to pay my bills and grateful that I'm still able to see beauty and laugh everyday.

I recently read an article that found that gratitude is the single biggest predictor of happiness, so maybe we can all share what we're grateful for and help us all feel a little happier today?

http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/beautiful-minds/which-character-strengths-are-most-predictive-of-well-being/

Posted Aug 19, 2015, 5:31 PM UTC · edited

15222
dietotakui need to start drinking•

Despite how much I complain about him, I really am grateful for my husband. He puts up with a colossal amount of shit from me, mostly in the form of bitching and negativity and laziness that I don't think many, if any, could stand.

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An_angry_wife•

Earlier this morning I was kind of tearing up with the husband. Talking about all the stress we were going through about some crap and such. And realizing that most people would have called it quits by now because of some of the stuff we have been through is trying on marriages of years long. I do love him, and even am grateful...maybe not much when he sleeps for days. Ha.

8
Ry-XiaYes,I have 5 kids.Yes I'm crazy.•

I cried. You are an amazing strong woman, and your daughter is lucky to have YOU. I am grateful for my very wonderful and patient friends. I am also grateful for the fact that despite my kids driving me bats, they are all loving, empathetic, and caring people. I am really lucky there. Hugs for you, and your daughter. Remember you are amazing. Wonderful tattoo.

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E-UnitOP•

<3 you are so sweet. Thank you for your kind words. I love this community so much.

7
undeadamerican•

So glad you are doing well! I'm truly sorry for your loss. Thank you for posting.

I'm grateful for my kids, especially fo the silly games they play that make me laugh.

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ima_sickfuck•

I'm am glad for all the support you have and all you have to be grateful for. Also, that tattoo is just awesome. It seems like you've been thriving and that makes me happy.

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lilyladyTwin toddlers. What was I thinking?•

I'm really glad you're doing alright...thriving even.

I'm grateful for family. My grandma is loaning me the money to try to expand our family (fertility treatments are stupid expensive). My grandpa passed away this month and the last thing he said to me was that my children are beautiful and put so much joy into the world and I'm a wonderful mother. Hard to argue with that right? My brother has been having a hard time emotionally and he's been calling me and texting me a lot. I had been missing our close relationship and I'm truly glad he knows he can always rely on me. Even in dark times there are things to be grateful for and look forward to. Thanks for reminding me.

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Kittenfluff441 spoiled child about to hate a new brother•

I'm glad you two are doing okay in light of such a tragic event. I think it's amazing that they were able to put some of his ashes into the tattoo for you- what a great way to remember him!

I'm grateful for my family that takes care of me, even though I often don't feel very important. I've got some mental stuff going on and sometimes it's really hard to appreciate everything I've got. I'm grateful for my daughter and my mom and my husband, and I'm grateful for having a great doctor for this pregnancy, even though she is costing me a lot more than I would have to pay otherwise lol

Seeing your posts a few months back broke my heart, and I really am happy you're doing okay.

5
VladTheSoviet•

You are doing so amazing. It's so awesome that your whole community has rallied around you to help in every way. I'm glad that you are dealing with his death in such a positive and healthy way. Hugs :)

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junkaccountforbrmomy kid is awesome so blow me•

I'm grateful for good friends. A great professional opportunity just opened up and these friends helped me get to it.

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Nikers18•

I could never imagine going through what you have. You clearly are a very strong person and you're very lucky you have your daughter by your side to share those special memories you had.

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tinybell•

I'm so glad you are doing good! Your tattoo is beautiful, and has amazing meaning, it's perfect (may not mean much from a stranger, but all mine have a special story).

I'm grateful for a lot the last little bit. I have also learned it is important. I'm grateful for my husband, our daughter, her dad (even though he is a royal pain sometimes!), and my incredibly supportive family and work. I wouldn't be where I am, about to graduate college, without any of them!

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An_angry_wife•

Your daughter has an awesome mom! I'm so glad you did find out you have an awesome support system!

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throwawayscattydown, down the drain (or bottle)•

I am so happy that you are doing well, and I too, teared up reading your post. I am extremely grateful for my husband. He has been working his butt off to provide for our family. I am grateful for my daughter, who really is an amazingingly good, chill baby. My family whose support has gotten me thriugh so many of life's hurdles, and for my in-laws, because as insanely crazy as they are, they really do mean well and are willing to help anyone at the drop of a hat. (They even were trying to figure out how they could buy my parent's house when we told them they were getting foreclosed on). And I don't want to leave out amazing friends, several of which have done my dishes for me, either right after baby was born, or when husband broke his arms. Last but not least, I am so very thankful to this group of ladies right here, without which, I would be in a nuthouse, or jail. Thank you for reminding us all of the good thongs in our lives!

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lofi76•

Lovely to hear this update from you, I remember the original post you made. Much love to you and your daughter. I have much gratitude that I was able to take my son on a small 3-day vacation this past weekend, and in a larger perspective I have gratitude that I've been able to maintain our little home since I was left to raise him alone 3.5 years ago when he was 10 months old. I have received no child support and no help, other than from my mom, and we're actually surviving and not homeless. While things often get me way down and I wonder what our future may hold, my gratitude for my healthy son and our ability to live our lives without becoming homeless is huge.

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bumblebeeroseAll I say is no.•

I'm so glad you're doing okay, the tattoo is beautiful and a wonderful reminder of how big a part of your lives he was and will be.

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orangethingI just work here y'all•

I am glad to see an update from you, and that it's such a positive one! It's an awful circumstance but man, the community really came together for you guys and the part is great to see. <3

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LadyGrizabellaPuberty is stealing my son, one armpit hair at a time•

Glad to see such a positive update. ::hugs::

2
MamaUppa•

I'm so happy to see these updates from you. You are so strong and such an important voice in our community.

I'm grateful for my currently tantruming toddler for giving me 20 minutes of fun rolling in the grass in our yard. Sure, we're mad at each other right now because I had to stop him eating some mountain ash berries off the tree. But at least we had fun together first. And I love him.

2
JaberkatyThree 4-year-olds•

Still crying.

I'm grateful for my sweaty, sticky, loud hellions. I'm grateful I get to feel all these crazy emotions (though, I could simmer down on the grouchy rage).

I'm grateful my daughter is speaking more and more.

I'm grateful that they are all sleeping right now.

I'm grateful I have a job that lets me work from home and doesn't give me shit about having half a brain, for having family that puts up with my absentminded lack of engagement. If I could fucking get a birthday card out it would be nice. I will do Christmas cards this year, i will.

I am so happy people are coming around you and holding you up. If you need anything PM me. ((hugs))

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in8joyWine. I'm just going to replace all meals with wine•

Thank you for reminding me of what I have - to gain perspective, and really think about what is important is something I strive for. I am usually a pretty grateful person, but this year has been really hard for me. Still though - I have so much more the most. Thank you for reminding me. Ima go hug my asshole husband now :)

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Chocobean•

I'm so happy to hear you are doing well!!

And it's totally okay to remind friends and family to check in on you for a longer period time.

I didn't know you could do that with the tattoo thing! That is way cool.

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