Source
r/AskWomenOver30•
M78

I'm stuck, should I settle for a girl that's nice and I like, rather than someone I love?

It's never easy is it? heh, anyways I was head over heels about this girl and we weren't even going out but it was this texting thing that went on for months and months, anyways I fell in totally in love with her but I don't know what happened really, it just didn't work out. Fast forward a few months I meet this other lovely girl and she falls in love with me, she's fun to be around, makes me laugh and not to be rude but she's good in bed, but I'm just not feeling it for her like I should, don't get me wrong I really l like her but I really don't want to string her along because I'm still in love with the other girl still, I just can't get her out of my head, so I don't know what to do, do I just continue on with the relationship hoping that I'll fall in love with her, or do I stop and wait until I'm 100% over the other girl until I start dating again?. Any advise is welcome, but primarily I just don't want to be an asshole!

Posted Jan 9, 2016, 1:37 AM UTC

1318
addtothebeauty30 - 35•

Never choose the one that you use the word "settle" to describe. It's not fair to either of you. The longer you procrastinate, the longer you delay her from being in a relationship with s guy who cznt get enough of her. It's time to be her friend by becoming just a friend.

37
ruralife•

I assume by your post that you are a young man because you are referring to these women as "girls". I wonder if you have a realistic view of what a relationship is and what love it. You say you love the first girl, yet it was all over text and you never went out. Maybe it's the mystery that you are attracted to, the excitement of the courtship phase.

I wouldn't make my decision regarding the second girl based on your feelings for someone you never had a relationship with. Given the information you have share, I'd say slow down. Don't be in a rush, looking for a great romance. Not all love hits you like a tidal wave. Some builds slowly over time. Whatever you do, do not tell girl #2 that you love her unless you are sure you do. It would have been helpful for you to share how long you've been with girl #2.

22
giantdingleberry•

His flair says 36-39, so you are talking to a grown man who refers to woman as "girls".

23
ruralife•

Well, there ya go!

6
_youdneverguesswho46 - 49•

And who carries on an entire relationship via text.

2
-oligodendrocyte-•

Look, you have two options here: 1) you break up with her now and she'll be hurt and think you made a mistake but she'll get over it and you'll both move on, you might even manage to be friendly after some time, or 2) you keep it up and she figures out that you don't love her (and she WILL figure it out) and then she will hate you with every fiber of her being, she will leave you, she will blame you, and she will quite likely try to hurt you back on her way out of your life.

8
adjur•

Jesus Christ, is this my ex?

4
M78OP36 - 39 •

Yep I was expecting a few stones to be thrown at me but it's an honest question so whatever.

3
adjur•

Ok, well here is your honest answer. The texting thing was never real and you are in love with a fantasy that will never come true. There's a wonderful and amazing woman in front of you, and you're using her selfishly. Get your act together and realize what an amazing thing you have, or go off and leave her be to find someone who truly deserves her while you go off and get yourself back to a place where you are a person who is ready to love someone again. Maybe it will bring you back together with the girl who does love you and maybe it won't, but it's incredibly selfish to use her to get over someone else. And she deserves much better than that. So quit wasting her time and messing with her heart.

40
Ed9820846 - 49•

Agreed. The reason it's so easy to "fall" for someone online is because there are so many unknowns and the optimistic brain fills in the blanks with positive assumptions. As you said, it's all a fantasy.

If the woman you're seeing is looking for love, then let her go find it. You're wasting her precious time on a dead-end, one-sided relationship. Better yet, tell her what you told us and let her decide for herself.

9
ardenture•

You took the words right out of my mouth. Thank you!

4
carragh•

This is the advice you are looking for. Honest and considerate of all involved.

1
Himandheruk40 - 45•

It's ok to stay in a relationship and not be in love provided you treat your partner with respect. I think you should stay with her because things seem to be very good and you don't know if this can lead to love because you are blinded by the former partner. It seems like you need to work out how to move on from the old relationship which will continue to affect this or any future relationship.

3
M78OP36 - 39 •

Thanks, I was thinking along those lines too.

1
ToolPackinMama60 - 65•

Sometimes somebody who is not there for you gets stuck in your head. It happens. Don't let that ruin everything else for you. Sometimes brute logic helps. Just say to yourself, "Hey, look who is actually here for me! I didn't do too bad!"

3
[deleted]•

[deleted]

1
leotardparty•

http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes

Break it off. Deal with your lingering feelings. Wait until you feel a "Fuck Yes" before you commit in the future.

1
sasamiel•

So you texted this girl 1 for months but did you ever go out with her? Or was it only via text? Asking because if it was just via text then you fill in the blanks with whatever you want... making her a fantasy more than not. If you never really went out with girl 1 then how do you know what you were feeling is real?

1
M78OP36 - 39 •

Ah no, I knew her in real life. Our kids were in the same class and I used to see her everyday when we collected the children from school. But she got a social house off of the government in a neighboring town and had to move, so I didn't see her for a couple of years, but I randomly bumped into her one day and that's what started the texting.

But it's all cool, the new relationship that I'm in is really going places, we are more suited for each other than I originally thought.

1
sasamiel•

That's good!

1