Impressed you pointed it out. I rushed that line - clearly it shows. I changed it thanks!

I really like this! Your choice of words and descriptions really emphasized color to me, for whatever reason. Lots of brown, cream, and yellow of course!

My one critique is your choice of "liquid death"; please bear in mind that this is completely my own opinion, but the phrase just seems a little cliché to me. It stands out in such contrast to the rest of your incredibly unique and beautifully vivid imagery. If nothing else, I'd change that phrase to one a little more original.

Alliteration when used sparingly is incredibly effective, but be very careful not to overdo it in the first few lines, or some readers will roll their eyes and keep scrolling. It is a problem I had when I was first starting to write (because it sounds incredibly witty in your head) but doesn't necessarily ADD anything to the poem, and is a pet peeve of a lot of readers/writers.

Okay, so you think I should tie the similes to something more relevant to the narrative/characters? I was just coming up with imagery that was evocative / had a common shared memory (we all know the texture and appearance of cinnamon sticks and the disgusting, squirming, strangeness of grubs). I'll have a think on this - thanks. With the setting, I tried to be vague. It doesn't really matter where it is - it's more a reflection on the characters and their lives.

Although I love your description of these men smoking in bars in the first stanza, including your use of alliteration and simile, I think that the similes comparing their cigarillos to cinnamon sticks and to grubs could be a bit more purposeful, although I do recognize some connection between the grub simile and "smoking entrails" in the next line. Unless the setting of this poem *is* the Amazon and the men are cinnamon stick exporters or something, then the first stanza would be fine with perhaps a bit more description of setting, characters, etc. ("men" isn't exactly specific, nor is "here" in the last line, although you may have reasons for not being more specific, and this does seem intentional given your opening line/quote).

Continuity griping about change. A familiar sentiment... and a bar setting is excellent to explore it.

I like this a lot actually. Last line though, a little confusing. 'Killed them until they are here'... are they no longer being killed? Or is 'here' the place they go to when they have killed themselves enough?

&amp;nbsp;

‘This place has changed…’

&amp;nbsp;

Men mutter in murky bars at midday barely

Slow-burning cigarillos squashed between

Yellow-stained fingers like cinnamon sticks

Or a grub from the Amazon about to burst;

&amp;nbsp;

They suck greedily at the smoking entrails

Washing it down with sweet amnesia nectar

As they’ve done for nearly half a century

And it has killed them until they are here.

&amp;nbsp;


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Feedback:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4lz6rw/do_you_need_a_man/d3rzkdd

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4lz9na/chronophobia/d3rzfsb

Sag