I dig this. Reminds me of a poem i posted on here. I took this pretty literally, as if you were the bad seed, the mishap, and perhaps you blame your mom as well as your self. As a recovering alcoholic, I can relate. Then again maybe I'm way out of context. Keep it up. Short and sweet is always nice.

see I don't mind the tension here--it isn't even tense for me, really--more like, complex.  it's a very layered piece, which i like

this is an adult speaker, with a child inside--the kid lines make it really personal

i thought this one was pretty much perfect

The language in this feels off, somehow.  There's a formality about this, that comes through in words like "mistress" and "accountable", which to me eludes to an adult speaker, with a large(r) vocabulary.  But lines like 

>come down, come down  

>wherever you are  

Are highly reminiscent of childish games like "hide and seek".  So the tone here is both mature enough to use words like "mistress", but infantile enough to be playing kids hiding games?  It just doesn't work for me.  

I enjoyed reading this piece. It seems to have a really dark undertone.

Whew! Just really good. All I have to say. 

I was referencing the color of the doormat. but thanks! :)


I liked the flow and you definitely got there with the imagery. I wasn't sure what 'Neon and pink, with glitter.' referenced? Is that her outfit? Otherwise, I liked it. 

Ugh. . . "did I squeeze your neck too tight?"

Freaking killer. I love this poem. 

I lived without a mother and this was still relatable to me which I loved. I love poems that are relatable even though they are based off a direct topic. Great job.

Mistress of the bad seed

come down, come down

wherever you are

I’m sorry–I didn’t mean to hurt you

did I squeeze your neck too tight?

Pushed you around too much?

Did I make you feel like a doormat?

Neon and pink, with glitter.

It’s my fault, my mistress,

never yours

I am I was

accountable for everything




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Feedback 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4qwj2f/schizo/


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Feedback 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4quyv2/oh_how_i_wish_it_were_autumn/

Mother