I like it. Made me think about the gorilla they shot, and they didn't even care.

I think you're correct with you're assumption, to a good extent. I didn't intend on it being that way, but that's the thing with the way I chose to write this one, it makes its own way.  

And I couldn't agree more with you on your point that intention. That said, Kerouac wrote almost completely from the top of his head, and some of his poetry is amazing. 

I hope your last sentence there is taken to heart, I couldn't agree more, and I think that this poem is a good example of why it's important to refine.

Huh i would have swore that the poem was about the alien/god perspective looking down on people.  But glad i could be of help. Remember, the best poems are written with Intention. Stream of consciesness / freewriting may get words down, but dont forget the value of editing refining and honing down on a message.

The last set of numbers is the time of day when I finish thw poem.   

Sometimes I'll write in a stream of consciousness style, and these breaks often represent the emphasis I put on the words as they come. Sometimes Im happy with the results and leave them, and other times I go back and change them up a bit. This is one of the more random pieces that doesn't do well with distinction. Thanks for confirming that for me.   

As an aside, you gave me an idea about something. The poem reads like someone looking at the failed experiment of Earth. That wasn't intentional, but it came out that way. On top of that, your eons suggestion gives me an idea for a series of poems written from an alien perspective. Thanks for that. 

If 1102 is what i tbink it is (a measurement of time larger than years[eons?]) your title might better off in dd:mm:yyyy:eeee format

Other than that, this is a decent 'look at these pitiful creatures' trope. I dont understand why you break your lines where you do though

Yeah, sorry. So, I may be using the term incorrectly, but basically I'll have an idea or a topic that I want to write on and I sit down and just type. Unless it's something I have been thinking a lot about, I usually write a steam of consciousness poem in under 5 minutes. It's usually a rush of words coming out as quickly as I can type. A lot of the time it doesn't make much sense and I either have to go back and make some changes to it, effectively killing the "stream of consciousness" part, or I toss it altogether. 

I've never heard the term "stream of consciousness piece" before.  Can you define that for me?

This is a stream of consciousness piece written out of a great deal of frustration. A lot of my writing recently has been influenced by the voilence in the US, and this is a wide angled, abstract look at it. 

I love this. I can feel a vastness, but its something ill defined. Gods, aliens, monsters? I'm a fan of stream of conciousness, and (if broadly defined) i think it could be the only way of getting any line or verse out, but then i could be wrong. I suggest aiming to keep the style, but crystallise the images a bit more (I'll wager you Kerouac threw away a few of his first drafts). I think the scale is wonderful, filled with a strong passion and some deep, dark corners (weirdest weather forecast ever - emotion forecast - emoticast!)

Anyhoo, keep up the good word ;)

Please critique my poem too, although you might decide it's best to ignore my advice 😬 Don't know how you take you to my submission, but I'm guessing you'll work it out 👍

Thanks for the input. This definitely needs some tightening up. I'll see if I can focus a bit more on what to want and come back to it a bit later to clarify. Thanks again. 

I think that you took the "wide angled abstraction" a little too far on this one. I can see why people are commenting wondering what it's about.

To me, the feelings are there, the images are powerfully evoking... *something*, but what? The whole thing has a muddled feel that's only heightened by the format you chose. 

I like the second stanza quite a bit more than the first. The metaphor, "when you put gorillas in a cage  no bigger than a television set and expect them to share one rope swing?" I think is what's missing the mark the most. Again, the imagery is powerful, but as an analogy for humans on the planet Earth I have to say I'm not getting it... and I'm really trying to, because I *want* to like this.

I really liked the ambiguity of the words "tears" in the second stanza. It's unclear whether you meant it as rips, or tear drops, and both sort of work there. I don't know if this was intentional or not, but I liked it!!

Wow what a great poem! I especially liked the line "little meat sacks hundreds of thousands of years away." It really emphasizes how insignificant we really are.

    it’s all
    more distant than
    vulgar -
    but what do you expect
    when you put gorillas
    in a cage 
    no bigger than
    a television set
    and expect them to
    share one rope
    swing? it was
    doomed to be 
    a massacre
    the second the show
    opened -
    
    and I think 
    some small
    part of god wanted
    it to be that way.
    sure he’ll save us 
    before we get 
    completely
    torn into ribbons,
    but a few tears here
    and there
    never hurt anything
    before, right? 
    her angels 
    still bleed after 
    centuries
    and they’re just fine
    so why would the 
    little meat sacks 
    hundreds 
    of thousands
    of years away be worth
    any special  
    treatment? 
  

[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4sglzi/who_me_a_witch/) [2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4s9poi/process_of_elimination/)

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