Thank you for your comments.   I am sorry my writing did not deliver but your comments did.  They made me realize that I should post my writing in the Lyrics section of Reddit.  Regards, Sherblueyes.

Line-for-line

The hours are now short  Why? Let's find out in the next line.
on solemn winds we ride  We're sad? How come?
The shadows they grow long  Do they? Hate this syntax in poems. People don't talk like this, why are you writing like this? Is there an endgame of rhyme scheme? If not, don't ever do it.
from our journey into night
Time is slipping fast           
drifting on with great dark wings
These two lines: Time is slipping fast, "drifting" on, etc.
Well, which is it? Have you been surprised by it, or are you watching it languidly, disinterestedly? 
It's going away from you, but at which speed?

We are the sand inside the glass
We are all unfinished things
Gaze through the void and see --You're very much wanting to make a point here. But you havn't earned it with your poem as yet.
that which ties us to our fate
is not what soon will be
for already it's too late
The wheel that turns forever
spins destiny on its spine
That which binds us one and all
is the love we find in tim

You are correct in your assessment.  I wrote this after a friend lost someone close to them.  Thank you for your comment.

If i read this correctly you are talking about how time goes by and we seem to ignore it and take it for granted. This is very true and also unfortunate

The hours are now short

on solemn winds we ride

The shadows they grow long

from our journey into night


Time is slipping fast

drifting on with great dark wings

We are the sand inside the glass

We are all unfinished things


Gaze through the void and see

that which ties us to our fate

is not what soon will be

for already it's too late


The wheel that turns forever

spins destiny on its spine

That which binds us one and all

is the love we find in time






https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/585m6c/whale_in_the_wishing_well/d8z6fzx/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/58axyc/sonnet/d8z7iqt/


Inside The Glass