Bulletproof

Every time I sit and think
I just feel so alone.
And every time I drink
I come back to an empty home.
I'm at the bottom of the bottle,
Crying, waiting by the phone--
I hate it when I sit and think
And feel so all alone.
I cling onto your words
As if they speak some untold truth.
But all your words just shoot me down,
Reminders I'm not bulletproof.
In a way it's almost pleasure,
How I hurt myself through you.
Because then I didn't do it,
It was too good to be true.
I try to make things better
And I practice self-restraint,
But the addiction and restriction
Are too much -- I can't abstain.
Last night I was crying,
Lying naked and alone.
My only thoughts were
What you had just told me on the phone.
My whole life flashed before my eyes
As our lives tend to do
Before a tragic moment,
Like there's something we could do.
So today I thought it would be nice
To actually try and care
Not for you, but for myself,
Although this life we share.
I walked with purpose out of work
And got into my car,
But music played and traffic raged,
And that feeling didn't get far.
Now here I am, once more,
Sitting in an empty home.
But instead of drink, I'll write and think
And sit here all alone.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/59azyd/crows_feet/?st=iuppg8b4&sh=1315f7f4

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/59aa0h/toys_feedback_request/?st=iuppl6sp&sh=a842e312