Sure, in my mind the first three lines scan

> TWAS a TYpically TRAgic TEXas TAle  
> MOther DROWned her DAUGHter IN the BATHtub  
> and WHEN HUSband aRRIVED HOME  

The first two lines follow a base pattern of "STRESSED unstressed"--i.e. they are made of trochaic feet--with a little variation (In "TYpically" we add an unstressed syllable). L3 is a mix of iambs ("unstressed STRESSED" pattern)--"and WHEN" and "aRRIVED"--and trochees--"HUSband". And L3 up to the end there's an unruly alteration of feet: with L4 mixed but maybe more trochaic, L5 trochaic, L6 largely imabic as is L7 while L8 is a clean line of four iambs:

> for SHE'D conDEMND his LINE to DIE

And I guess what I'd say about the narrative is that there is a certain amount of tension in this piece between the typical and the particular. So on the one hand the characters in this story are anonymous Texans, speaking to this being so typical that they don't even deserve names, but on the other hand the killer is given a particu

I very much appreciate the feedback. Thank you. 

I agree the alliteration is probably a tad overdone- I couldn't really resist when I came up with the opening line. Alliteration isn't my usual style, but I did have some fun with it. 

Can you help me understand the trochaic to iambic feet part? I vaguely understand that it has to do with something about feet and meter(s. heh) but it isn't a tool I comprehend enough to really wield deliberately. Perhaps this is why the execution (heh2) felt loose?

I live in Texas, and view it partially through a bit of a Wild West/crazy characters thing, and partially that we have a long history of mothers drowning children, though that could be observer bias. And, of course, Texas seems to *like* executing people, as you mentioned. I would, however, happily drop Texas altogether. 

Again, thank you. I feel like you made some very good points that I will ponder. 

The piece is doing some interesting things sonically. The trochaic first two lines give us an appropriately belabored feel, there's some maybe overblown alliteration and some more subtle internal rhyme. I think the switching from trochaic to iambic feet is interesting and kind of fitting (starting off unnatural and ending resolutely) but I think the execution is a little too loose.

I can't say that the narrative did much of anything. There was nothing but the sketch of the climax and resolution of the narrative: the framing of Texas proved of little value because everything else was underspecified. The twist of the characters pregnancy might have made more of an impact with more build up but I was mostly left scratching my head as why it should matter (maybe trying to play of Texas commitment both to "right to life" and enthusiasm for the death penalty?).

Glad you liked it, and thank you for the feedback! 

Stories typically have a beginning, a middle, and an end. A lot of times you can boil those elements really far down and get a surprisingly small list of the most important points to cover. 

I did some (generally terrible) screen writing work, and it really helped me focus on what's really important... ANYTHING extraneous or plodding or unnecessary is going to get mercilessly shredded and dumped.  I believe writers should have a full backstory for just about everything, but be very careful to share just what needs to be known for the story. I was also taught that readers can usually fill in the small gaps of knowledge and of things that are skipped over. 

Anyway, that turned a bit more ironically rambly than expected :D 

I love this. It plods along in this beautifully miserable fashion. The opening line sick of repeating tragic tales, so sick of it they aren't even bothered to say "it was". You get through a narrative so quickly as well. It's something I struggle with a bit so it's impressive to see here. The quick summation of the story also adds to the "typical" aspect of it. Really enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing.

Twas a typically tragic Texas tale-

Mother drowned her daughter in the bathtub

And when husband arrived home,

heavy hits to the head, with his own hammer

Burn her! Begged the boundless beings

And sadly, the state had to assent

Not knowing that they fried two that day

For she'd condemned his line to die

[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/59m8uc/the_dragon/d9b0p2c/)

[2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/59p1uy/boxes_upon_boxes/d9ayvwt/)


[feedback requested] Texas