Intensifier
You fucking sentence me
as obnoxious for using it
but every fucking time
I hear you fucking swear it,
it is the only motherfucking time a fucking word can fucking paint you a portrait - hypocrite.
"You only use it because your vocabulary is limited. When you use this word, your brain is no longer functioning at 100%, you become lazy."
Stop fucking dictating
what words I fucking use,
I don't seig fucking heil.
Such fucking incompetent efficiencies, in one fucking word I can amplify your
cerebral fucking deficiency
Think for fuck's sake
like the word, it's universal.
More than a profanity at your fucking disposal,
ask Adam, he would fucking know.
He fucked Eve, more than fucking once; it's even in the fucking bible.
Posted Nov 10, 2016, 3:08 AM UTC
I can't say I like this. The profanity is too in-your-face and not really used sophisticatedly, and honestly the poem doesn't make much of a point. If you had used "fuck" more subtly then maybe it would have been a decent piece criticizing our fear of swear words, but as is, it's just obnoxious.
I'm with Sora on this'n.
Fuck is a fun word to fuck with, however, used here it's just too fucking didactic.
Also, this line, "Think for
fuck'ssake like the word, it's universal," does not really work if you cross out the word "fuck." Perhaps adding a noun or adjective to replace 'fuck' would help. I am not sure what you mean by "it's universal."In a sense this poem is performing the same sort of censorship that you are explicitly attempting to rebel against.
I could see this piece as a slogan pasted on every Urban Outfitter entrance, or painstakingly applied to a wall street art style, photographed, insta-filtered, and upvoted into oblivion, which is just me trying to say this is a superficial piece of writing.
Like what Sora wrote, a more subtle take on our "fear" of "intensifiers" would make this piece fan-fucking-tastic. Perhaps be less explicit and allow images or ideas to explain your thoughts. Keep it up.
I fucking get it, man. Like fucking stop telling me how to write.