Source
r/OCPoetry•
theltcmdr

[feedback] Protest Poetry for aP lang

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Censorship If you sang a song every morning, and you suddenly lost the ability to sing that song, would it mean anything to you?

If you were content with being silenced, what would stop others from furthering the act? Will it lead to your vocal cords being cut? Will it lead to a life of misery, pain, and inequality?

Why would you willingly be shut up by someone who has no power over your actions! Who cares if that person governs you. It does not matter if they govern you. And if it does, are you not just another cog in their machine?

To what extent will you be willing to be silenced? Will you just not say anything when you feel your opinion is not wanted?

The trees are green - and eventually turn brown - then inevitably lose their leaves. Yet, that is their nature. Is it in your nature to just shut up and not care about your life? To not care about your ideas, your hopes, your inspirations, and your desires for your life? How will you possibly reach all of those by sitting in the back and being quiet your entire life?

What could have been the life of those who constantly were told that their opinion does not mean anything? Those who destroy the beautiful independent thoughts of other by dismissing it as silly, crazy, inane and stupid decide to use their first right to strip it away from another. Those who silence others by calling them names from a pre-existing list. Those who simply do not want to hear your opinion, and as a result isolate themselves from the world. Do they not realize that it is hard discussions that enable us to learn more about ourselves, our fellow humans, and most of all life?

Why do you turn down your volume as they raise theirs? Why do you back down from a fiery debate? Is it a fear of them being incompetent? Is it a fear that you will be incompetent? Or worse, you will be punished, bullied, or outnumbered? Do not fear, as when they put you down, you just prove your point.

When will it stop? When will you realize the logical fallacies in others arguments? Their ad hominem attacks only adding more leverage to your bounce back. Why will you be willing to use phrases such as, “even though I am a privileged. . .” or “I am a white cisgendered male but. . .” as that only adds to the leverage of those who try to belittle you and degrade you as a human.

Why world, have you allowed this to happen? Where will this lead us? Up into the heavens!? No. It will drive us off the cliff of insanity into the ocean of oppression. Why world.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/5d5syj/an_orange_clown_in_the_tv_set/ https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/5d6fss/this_is_my_3rd_rendition_of_this_poem_a_hymn_for/

Posted Nov 16, 2016, 5:53 AM UTC · edited

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Quaznarg•

The trees are green - and eventually turn brown - then inevitably lose their leaves. Yet, that is their nature. Is it in your nature to just shut up and not care about your life?

That, to me, is a weak comparison. There is violence in the second sentence, and none in the first. I think a better comparison would be a praying mantis allowing their head to be eaten after having sex. Or something along those lines. Because the flow feels like "Seasons change, fuck you speak up." Doesn't work for me.

What could have been the life of those who constantly were told that their opinion does not mean anything? Those who destroy the beautiful independent thoughts of other by dismissing it as silly, crazy, inane and stupid decide to use their first right to strip it away from another. Those who silence others by calling them names from a pre-existing list.

So here the first sentence says, "What if you were told your ideas were worth nothing?" The second sentence says, "Some people may say your ideas are bad just because they are different." This, to me feels like you are talking about critics. And that is a good message. Then the next sentence comes out of left field to me. Then it turns into race. It's fine if you want to turn it into race, but then the second sentence in the paragraph has nothing to do with the point that you are trying to make.

The rest of the poem seems a bit overdramatic. People are getting tired of being attacked for who they were born being, true, but are you really going to to the "I am being oppressed because I am white" route? I would agree that this is a problem, but putting this much gravity on the situation seems a bit pretentious. If you wanted to write about that I would have made it a bit more about accepting people rather than attacking white males for not standing up to the people who are attacking them. This problem has only really existed for the past 5 years or so. I also personally believe that this trend is on the way out. The opponents of SJWs are on the rise, so I don't think anything particularly new is being said here.

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