thanks for the input, I wrote this way back when i found a bunch of old poems I wrote on a usb key, the title was a work in progress, i never much of a fan of putting titles on stuff, as for the rhymes i like more free-verse poems but this one did include a few rhymes which can be removed.

My issue with this piece is how it frames itself to become this riddle-poem, but narrator tells you the answer! If you don't like the idea of it being riddle-y then I would encourage you to mention the moon more explicitly so that the observations you put forth about it have to be stranger, more obscure. 

Narrative aside, the inconsistent end rhymes don't add much sonically to the piece. Maybe if there were fewer or it was a set scheme this wouldn't be an issue. Thanks for posting and I hope to read another from you soon!

Short and sweet. I liked this, and to not reiterate what has already been said, I would like to see the gravity line reworked.  





Reusing "light" with only a one line gap pulls me out of the headspace the rest of the piece has me in.  

Just my .02  

This poem is a lot like walking along a path to an unknown location. When I start reading it I am kind of confused, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. I have enough information to understand what the poems talking about yet and since this poem slowly hones in on what just is being described you get slapped with a blatant name and a (if you will) Mic drop. The Mic drop is emphasized by the confusing trail. The wandering existential lead up to the personal moon to the sick sign off. I love it. One small suggestion, and this is my personal opinion, I wold make is change the last two lines from "His name was the moon/and he bids you goodnight" to "His name was the moon/and he bids to you good afternoon." Just for that extra rhyming and rhythmic emphasis. Great poem, keep writing and thinking like a writer! 

High above the rest he lies

In a dimension much to himself

Enough space to travel forever




The darkness of night is his fear

But he will soon reappear

As bright as a single light




His surface so rough

But his gravity so light

Not many have touched his rocky ridges




To all who have seen him 

His name is the moon

And he bids to you goodnight

[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/5ccxhl/dismountaineering/) | [2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/5cci51/bony_fingers/)

(I'm a noob and can't format properly)

White Giant