Thank you for the feedback! Where/what punctuation would you suggest? Do specific parts sound more deadweight/clunky than others?

a little punctuation would go a long way to help the rhythm of this piece, but perhaps you're reading this aloud, in which case it wouldn't matter. you've got some cool imagery going here, i especially like 'i drank your words.' i recommend going back and looking at what you can take out, some lines seem like dead weight, along with a extra words in some places that make the poem feel a bit clunky and unpolished. other, than that, i think this serves the purpose of a nice poem to give to your girl pretty well. 

I didn't feel that punctuation was needed for that metaphoric section; though the entire poem, overall, did feel almost endless without much breaks to breathe.

punctuation is a very sensitive thing, sometimes. I don't really know where it is efficient to add punctuation, but sometimes reading your poem a few times can help. whenever I re-read my poems, I would find a few areas that can be misread very badly without punctuation. For example:

I love you a lot  
But only on Saturdays  
I do not feel good



Thank you so much for the feedback! So are we talking end-of-line punctuation or within-line punctuation? I'm just afraid if I do a little I'll have to do a lot and every other line will end in a comma or period. I'm sure some punctuation will help, I'm just not sure how to add it effectively.

I really like "soft petals of your lips", cool image there. And there are quite a few nice images in this poem.

My only critique is there's a metaphor that kinda leaves me hanging. On lines 5-6, you establish that you are floating/drifting on waves, and the lines that directly follow say she woke you up from a deep sleep— she woke you up from floating on waves? That's how it reads to me. Maybe it's like what Victilex said about punctuation, because there's so many images one after the other that I think one metaphor is still going but you've actually moved onto a new sentence.

All in all though you're girlfriend will be very happy with it. Like this is really sweet, definitely show her.

The poem title probably could've been a little better. My favorite words are,

"I was floating through life  
Adrift on currents and waves  
The light of your youthful soul  
Awakened me from a deep sleep"  

Right into the critique, here we go! The ending is a bit cliched and I think maybe even removing the last three lines altogether would create more of a punch for me (because love is implied throughout the whole piece!). I only think there's one "dead-weighted" fragment and that, to me, would be "and craved your attention" (line 11/12). As for people commenting on punctuation: imagine reading this aloud and where you would like to pause and breath. You describe the love as "a bright melody" now use it! You should add the punctuation to help with rhythm. For an example I would do

> That first night we spoke  
I knew you were special.  
A bright melody that played with my nerves  
Circled my heart;  
I was floating through life.  
[line break]  
Adrift on currents and waves,  
The light of your youthful soul  
Awakened me from a deep sleep  
And for the first time I felt a drive-  
A desire to know you.  
[line break]

Actually, if you added punctuation this could be read as a strong spo

[Link 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/5dva0g/icarus_and_the_sky/da7l253/)
[Link 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/5dv5t9/double_pain_double_beauty/da7lfu4/)  
Untitled, for my girlfriend  
&gt; That first night we spoke  
I knew you were special  
A bright melody that played with my nerves  
And circled my heart  
I was floating through life  
Adrift on currents and waves  
The light of your youthful soul  
Awakened me from a deep sleep  
And for the first time I felt a drive  
A desire to know you.  
I drank your words and  
Craved your attention  
You pierced me with your gaze  
And words bled from my every thought  
I was captivated by your mind  
And the soft petals of your lips  
I lived for your electric touch  
And the sunlit skies in your eyes  
I fell in love with all of you  
The tinkling bells of your laugh  
And the rays of your sunshine hair  
And now I hold you late at night  
Cradled in my protecting arms  
I can feel the warmth in my chest  
And the flutter in my heart and I know  
This  
Is  
Love  