xliv. you’re allowed to say “i told you so”

in the cold sterility of comedown mornings all i can think is:

“well, you were right.”

it’s the day after a two day long binge

i’m cagey and anxious

i tried chamomile and klonopin

i dunno if it’s a nicotine or amphetamine urge

after this weekend i’d be surprised by neither

my throat feels warm and nearly shut

in essence what i’m saying is you were right

i was just finding ways to kill myself

though i’d rather deem them ways to escape

and ultimately i just wanted to make something beautiful

i wanted to make something to hold up to Howl or On the Road

but i didn’t, i never did

i had two good sentences, one short catchy song, and a bunch of nonsense

you’re allowed to say i told you so, love

you’re allowed to say i told you so

maybe i’m not cut out for that kind of artistry

i was doing so well, maybe i shouldn’t have strayed

maybe i should just read more nhat hanh

maybe i should just read more in general

i feel like every time i take a drug i quake in your view

that’s reason enough to cut that shit out

prospective addict recovery program: love

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/5e0j9e/grandmas_basement/da9ymln/?context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/5e5312/infidelity/da9yssj/?context=3