I see what you're getting at there. In which case, I would still say that there is room for a bit of 'grounding'. You can do this in the form of contradiction in the speaker. Instead of going right out and saying "I have no specific destination in mind" you can say "I want to see X, no, X is far too Y, I'd rather see Z, but then again Z is A". Does that make sense? That way you can still ground it in reality and images, rather than just ideas. It will help make the reader connect a lot more with the poem by letting them 'see' the same things that the speaker is seeing. EDIT: And also you don't do so at the expense of losing the uncertainty. If anything it adds depth to the uncertainty because it shows that the speaker has specific ideas in mind but is overwhelmed and unable to pick one. 

I left it abstract because of the first stanza. There is a lot of uncertainty and confusion around what he actually wants and needs that the only way to figure it out is by doing so on the way to wherever he ends up. He has no specific destination in mind, just away. Does this make sense?

One thing I would say is that there is a lot of abstraction in this. There's a great William Carlos Williams quote that goes along the lines of "No ideas but in things". What I mean by this is when you say things like "I desire to see the world/ to do things on my own/" or "I need to see the world/ Someplace that is unknown" you could give specifics. What about those things are interesting and powerful. When you think of doing those things what specific events are you thinking of. When you do that, you create a more powerful image for the reader and convey the same message. It just makes your poetry a lot more powerful. 

Other than that it's pretty good. At this point if you just use less abstraction and 'ground it' a bit more with tangible things it'll jump to a whole new level. Hope that helps, and feel free to ask any questions if that wasn't specific enough for you.


It is addressed to the person who wants to find where they went off too. Like the head of a search party.

I like this. A lot. But I don't really understand "to whom who searches all". Not really feedback but just my ignorance. Could you explain what that means to me? 

Maybe try "idle your time with something else" 

Thank you! 

What do you think I should do with it? I want to keep "something else" at the end of the stanza.

This is really great, I love the repitition, the enjambment, all of it! But one issue I have is that the line "til then do something else" seems casual and out of place with the tone you established.

I think the 'and's are necessary to the rhythm and 'flow' of the poem. Otherwise you get:
"to love, walk, hope, and cry"
which is much more jerky than what the 'and's give us. The rhythm rolls along.
That's actually another thing that could be fixed in the "Don't bother, don't worry" section though. It feels very disjointing and 'breaky' where as the rest of the poem is very smooth rhythmically except for small speed bumps at points which help build the uncertainty in the speaker.


      Don't bother, don't worry
      I will be back,
      til then do something else.
Last line feels very casual. Over all, I think the usage of commas is improper.


       to love and walk and hope and cry
I find the usage of 'and' redundant here.
      

 

Really loved reading this, overall the message was very inspiring

To whom it may concern:

&amp;nbsp;

Today, I left this place

in search of something different.

I do not know what I want

but I know I want something else.

&amp;nbsp;

To whom who may concern:

&amp;nbsp;

Don't worry, I am fine;

you have taught me well.

It is time I spread my wings

and glide to something else.

&amp;nbsp;

To whom who searches all:

&amp;nbsp;

Your search is all in vain.

Don't bother and don't worry

Soon I shall be back,

idle your time with something else.

&amp;nbsp;

To whom who wants to know:

&amp;nbsp;

I desire to see the world,

to do things on my own,

to love and walk and hope and cry

in someplace that's not my own.

I need to see the world

someplace that is unknown,

until the time I find that place

please worry about something else.

___

feedback please!

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/645ki4/bruised/dg0jik6/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/63yuvp/no_title/dfy3oym/
