Your Day

Feedback Received!
A phrase I use so often,  
"I hope your day was good",  
And yet I think that every day,  
I'm not quite understood.  

Not for lack on your part,  
But for lack on mine,  
For I think I fail to bring across,  
The meaning I entwine.  

It's not that you have bad days,  
And the good is oh so rare,  
That you're fighting a constant battle,  
Against the forces of despair.  

Cause while this could be quite true,  
It is not how I see your life,  
While others may see you soldiering on,  
Through battles of grief and strife.  

I see you marching towards a goal,  
One that's filled with light,  
A goal of hope and future,  
Free of constant fight or flight.  

One day I will stop asking,  
I won't have to anymore,  
You'll be there standing with a smile,  
Found what you're looking for.  

And the days will then be good,  
Life will fit you like a hat,  
The bad times that came before,  
Will help remind you of that.  

The people that you care about,  
Will love you every day,  
And then you'll love them in return,  
No less complicated way.  

And the work will have been worth it,  
And you're ahead of the curve,  
'Cause you've shown more strength and kindness,  
Than anyone I know on Earth,  

I'm not saying that it's easy,  
I'm just saying that I'm here,  
Because every good day that comes before,  
Is a day closer to no fear.  

I've grown as a person because of you,  
And for that I am in your service,  
And I hope that I can give you strength,  
Though I know you can endure this.  

I don't know if I can be there,  
For you at all bad times,  
But maybe you can cast your mind back,  
To these botched lines and rhymes.  

The "I hope you day was good"  
Is such a simple say,  
But the meaning that's behind it,  
Sweet as summer, bright as day.  

So much so that this poem,  
Is so hard to find an end,  
I guess I'll say "I love you",  
"From me, here and now your friend"  

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Edit: Formatting

Posted Apr 29, 2017, 12:24 PM UTC · edited

57
claudio_costa•

I really like this poem. You kept it simple but sofisticated. The rhymes are well constructed and I could really see myself reading more stuff from you. The only advice I would give you is to pay more attention to the metric syllables in each verse, as it will make the poem easier to read, with a smoother flow. Keep it up!

2
MadalaskiOP•

I appreciate the feedback. :)

1
Fibzblend•

I absolutely love this poem. Your work is amazing.

2
dirtyLizard•

Why do you love it? What do you love about it?

1
MadalaskiOP•

Thank you very much!

1
Nickfolian•

I really like your poem, but I noticed you have a couple grammatical errors. When using quotation marks you always put any punctuation before the quotation mark.

EX: Tim said, "hi."

Also I noticed in the last stanza that after the words "I love you", you put another line side of quotation marks. I wanted to tell you that you don't need that do not need that last pair of quotation marks. Sorry I don't really know how to explain it, so I'll just show you how it should be written.

I guess I'll say, "I love you, From me, here and now your friend."

2
MadalaskiOP•

Ok, thank you I'll make sure I get it right in the future. =)

1