Source
r/OCPoetry•
_nicole__h_

There Are Monsters in Her Mind

Feedback Received!
One day she ran away,
But there was no way out of her cage.
Even she didn't know she'd betray,
She could've just turned the page.

She wasn't afraid of the future;
She had fear for change.
She had an abuser,
It was her mind; this may seem strange.

She thought there was something wrong with her home
So she tried to escape it,
But there was really something wrong with her genome;
Something that was always hard for her to admit.

This problem is inescapable,
It's something she can't conquer;
She wonders and ponders,
Asking herself why there's a monster.

-NH

Link 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/68daf1/untitled/

Link 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/68bvn4/dreams_of_a_child/

Posted Apr 30, 2017, 5:56 AM UTC

14
halloweenmeyer44•

I really like some of your rhymes, especially future and abuser, but I feel like you don't need to do ABAB throughout the whole poem. You could always just use the rhymes to draw attention to specific lines. It could help with the flow, because the last two lines of the first stanza kind of throw me off already.

1
pieceoflit•

I really enjoyed reading this out loud and, can say the rhymes used here are very delightful. I think this is a great representation that there is a monster in all of us. With that being said

"It's something she can't conquer" and "Asking herself why there's a monster"

Has a very deep and and some would say dark undertone that bids well with creating the narrative of this poem.

1
KSharpy•

As others have said here your choice of rhymes are great and overall I think it's really well done. Some of the rhymes do seem a little forced though, like "escape it" and "admit," but I don't think it detracts that much from the whole thing.

1
200wordsJohn•

i like this a lot, it is a theme relevant to me. i can see this published in a book of poems for teens. i wish there were illustrations to go with this.

suggestions:

remove "but" in line 2.

stanza 1, line 4 is unclear.

stanza 2, line 2 1 & line 2 - i know u want to emphasize fear, but i think future or change are too general, reference something more personal, concrete, or anecdotal.

1