Cool! Thanks for taking a look. (seriously can I have your last poem and just tell everyone i wrote it?)

The last three lines gave away the mechanic for me. I went back and the indentations made sense. I didn't get the Atlanta thing, though. I thought it was just because Terminus was the protector of boundaries and Hermes was the transgressor of them. Also, Hermione was the end of her line, since she was unable to have children. Still reading; I'll write more after I've had time to think it over. 

Cool, thanks for taking a look at it. Long hyphens might work, only issue with italics is my abuse for them to be quotations (i'm using this in a work that does both). But I think you're right about some differentiation needed there.  

I'll try to figure out a better, 'all over the place'!

Thanks again, I'm just glad it did most of its job it seems!

Ahhh... that makes a lot more sense with H.D. and Sherman/Atlanta.  I wasn't aware of it being originally named Terminus (I thought the piece was more of the Roman god having a nervous breakdown).  The hyphen mechanic is interesting - I didn't pick up on that until your mention of it, but it's a good idea.  Maybe use long hyphens and change the middle-lines to italicized?  

With your comments on Atlanta, the last few lines make a lot more sense to me.  I think what was off was that I didn't get the source/start references. Would still argue for tweaking 'all over the place' slightly - I think you can make that more effective - but love the hyphen mechanic.  

Thanks! To engage with you a little bit here
>Her- / mione  

is meant to reference H.D.'s HERmione, which a good chunk of this piece is about

>burned by Sherman

Sherman burned atlanta (which was orginally named Terminus

>(I'm assuming you're using them as Latin references)  

its a bit of a weird mechanic I'm trying to figure out how to work and make organically noticable, but the hyphens are the connections allowing you to ignore what's inbetween and create a new sentence

of ex:  

>Yes I am helping fold my gods into tell-tale signs.  

or 

>Yes I am hell-tale signs.

Any ideas on how to make this mechanic more noticeable? 

> There's something off about them for me, but it's hard to define well  

hm, I'll try to figure something out here.


So... wow. So much good here, I'm not sure where to begin.  It nearly all makes sense to me, though I think that's partly because I'm familiar with Terminus (used him a few times in my own poems).  The enjambment and formatting are absolutely brilliant, and I love the curve of stanza 3.  The te / -ll-tale in stanza 2, the repetition at the end of stanza 3, and the de / -arth in stanza 4 are wonderful touches (I'm assuming you're using them as Latin references).  

There's only two points where I'm a bit lost or think the piece needs work, and that's the very beginning and very end.  'Her- / mione burned by Sher / -man.' and 'blowing all over the place. // fires me up all over the place.' lines in particular, I think another look.  To the former, I'm not getting the reference in relation to the rest of the piece.  To the latter, I don't think the repetition works well, and both lines are ... not too generic *per se*, but they don't have the same emphasis as the prior 2 stanzas.  There's

Her curved inward. I am Her-  
&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;mione burned by Sher  
&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;-man. Terminus, I am  
&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;  	
&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Her. Who? Yes I am He-  
&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;lping fold my gods into te  
&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;-ll-tale signs. Yes I will fold  
&amp;nbsp;  
myself further, although I cannot he–  
&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;lp this will of mine to her-  
&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;d myself into disparate my  
&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;-selves, imploding this he  
&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;–art-wrench. I cannot, Her-  
mes. All over the place, Her, Her, He–   
lp, Help, Help. The under  
&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;  
&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;-mine blowing all over the place.  
The de  
&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;–arth fires me up all over the place.  

[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/6r5m8j/decreation_of_a_day/dl2vi3x/)[2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/6r5eva/twitter_vows/dl2tx4o/?utm_content=permalink&amp;utm_medium=user&amp;utm_source=reddit&amp;utm_name=frontpage)

Fraktaline Portrait