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r/OCPoetry•
skertskertnigga

The Self Worth of an Angry Teen

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I have a skull made of glass, a heart of twigs, and a toxic mind of spikes. Anyone who attempts to pick at it slices their fingers, only to be infected with my own toxicity.


Your good natured spirit engulfed in a flame of misery, torn apart by an evil force that takes residence inside my head, a being even I am not familiar with.

Although…
I am familiar with his ways. I am familiar with his ideals.

I am familiar with his breath on the back of my neck; he follows me from place to place.


Thought to though.


I can’t take a single step without him weighing down my mind; halting my progress towards a normal day.


I can’t have a single thought without him contaminating it.


I have eyes made of desire.


The desire to wake up without him knocking at my closet door, beckoning me with blood curdling screams to let him out.


Destroy the glass cage that keeps the monster at bay.


These days I’m numb to the screaming.


I’m numb to a lot of things.


If I can’t feel, does that make me invincible?


Their is no good inside me; their is no boasting.


Only a monster inside my head,
and we share a name.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7a6zg1/comment/dp7r24c?st=1Z141Z3&sh=b7fbf437

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7a7j84/comment/dp7r6jg?st=1Z141Z3&sh=b7fbf437

EDIT: I should mention I wrote this poem for my English 12 Honors class. It was supposed to be a page long boast about ourselves, but instead I took my own twist on it.

Posted Nov 2, 2017, 12:55 AM UTC · edited

12
grumpy_old•

when you cut a cliché it makes a blood-curdling scream.

1
moosage•

Good ideas here, but I’ll put it in a nicer way than the other commenter. Try to avoid cliches, they can really erode the message and maturity of a poem. The whole comparing body parts to fragile things is a big cliche at this point, but I understand what you’re going for.

I would recommend trying to create the same imagery with different phrasing— instead of “skull made of glass” try something that is a bit more abstract, rather than directly stating it. What would it feel like to have a skull made of glass? What sort of thing would damage it?

It’s not a bad idea, but the direct comparison comes off as a bit immature.

I do like the twist on your assignment, though. I’m sure that you’re teacher will enjoy it, too! You have some good ideas here, and your writing is solid, but it’s the actual mechanisms that fall a little flat in the end.

Also in the 3rd to last line, their should be changed to there in both instances.

1