PSA: the average gay guy will NOT have dating/sexual experience as early as their straight peers

Instead of whining that you've never had a boyfriend at age 20, try focusing on yourself and advancing your studies/career.

AMEN

On the flip side, this reason is why gay guys are pretty bad at relationships. Most of us never get to go through the High School dating experience of knowing what we want from someone until our late 20's or 30's.

Not saying it's going to change but there's a reason why so many of us get really depressed over it. Especially having straight friends shove their relationships in your face constantly while you've never had a "genuine" (not sexually charged) kiss.

I agree for the most part. Minus the agressiveness.

At least the gays wont get anyone pregnant as they watch their life crambling round them

As a lonely 16 year old, this makes me feel better. Thanks

Fight for your rights to be out early, boys... or face delayed maturity.

Back in my day we fucked around with each other as early teens doing what came naturally. When we were naked with each other from childhood, unashamed and curious, and nobody knew what the fuck “gay” even was.

I think this is true for this generation that is hitting adulthood now and was true for other current and past generations.

However, while that's mostly a closet thing, that's also a proximity thing based on geography. For instance, most of us adults meet guys on sex apps, online, ans gay bars/clubs. All of which are things only adults can do (legally speaking, of course).

City schools are more likely to have other gay kids because of the numbers. So there's a higher chance you'll finda fellow gay guy in your school. Rural schools is where its a much lower chance and where it might be safer to stay in closet. I see stories of gay prom kings now, and gay couples at proms so a lot more of the heteronormal high school experience (i.e. first crushes and losing virginity to another student) is becoming a reality for gay kids too.

But it's still a numbers game, true. And there's still work on acceptance that is needed in our culture and society.

And lets not forget... the average age that americans lose their virginity is about 18.4 years. So its usually prom or after anyways. https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/03/on-late-in-life-virginity-loss/284412/

Straight dude here

Tbf a lot of us also don't have any of that shit until 18+ either

Going on r/teenagers will show you that. We are all lonely cunts

I agree that a "Woe is me" attitude is annoying. But it's annoying in general, regardless of the topic.

I mean, I'm 38 and have yet to go on a date with a guy. I had one brief sexual encounter with a straight guy about 17 years ago, but that's it. I don't really take a "woe is me" attitude about it though. I know I have serious hangups preventing me from developing that part of my life. I don't look for pity, but it is nice to hear from others who find themselves in similar situations and to be empathetic to the kind of frustration it can cause. Just getting older and having time pass is not always a magic bullet.

It's true, it's so true, but that doesn't make it suck any less :/ It's a numbers game and we drew lowest.

Although that's generally true, with the power of apps, pretty much anyone who's just looking for sex can get it.

Good post. Yeah, I feel like some of the media’s efforts to highlight how attitudes about homosexuality are changing encourage this kind of anxiety. They’ll pick examples of gay guys that are unusually precocious, and come out at 14 and have a boyfriend at 16. While maybe these guys are emblematic of how far society has come, they’re hardly representative of the average gay guy today. This is particularly true if you don’t fall into the most conventional categories in a bunch of stuff. I mean, even if you come from a very accepting family and live in an open-minded town, your dating pool in high school is probably 10 people if that (keeping in mind that not all gay guys are out in high school).

I started trying to date around 32 I believe, and while that is a little late, I really think that it’s not that uncommon, because of course older people came of age in a less tolerant time. I do wish I had started trying stuff at about 27 or 28, because Grindr came out when I was 25. I think dating without the apps would’ve been difficult and disheartening as I would’ve had to approach so many guys in bars and been rejected a lot. The apps make things a lot better. I really think a lot of gay guys should only make assessments of their dating life after they’ve graduated college and moved somewhere where there’s at least a decent population of gay guys. I’m not saying they can’t have success before that, only that there’s too much variance in outcomes before then to conclusively say that their circumstances are bad before then.

Met my boyfriend at age 15 and we are still together three years later. It can happen, don't give up hope :)

I'm getting really frustrated with some of the "woe is me" type of comments that I see on here.

I mean, you're right, but why would anyone be emotionally invested in the teenager bullshit that gets posted here?

Being gay is a lot like being a straight nerd - you're not getting laid before college, at minimum, so why bother getting your panties in a twist about it?

So having sex at 14 makes me a hoe? :(

I'm going to add: work on your communication and actively becoming the kind of person that'll be a good partner to help forestall or make up for not having loads of early dating experience.

We are lucky in that we don't have to fall into or can foresee how to escape from the traps a lot of straight couples fall into by always seeing each other as a man and a woman thus two inescapably different creatures from the off, instead of as two people who like each other and want to make each other happy. There's lots of good things about being same-sex attracted too, don't get weighed down by negatives.

You also won't be the same as straight people in your 30s since your 20s doesn't end as fast. You usually get double income no kids situation to take trips and keep having some fun for a while. You're also more likely to be in shape since lots of straight people hit the wall by the end of their 20s of they get married and have children.

The sad thing is, looking back at my friend group from middle and high school (we're now half way through uni), the only two non-virgins in the group are me and my gay friend. This isn't to say that gay guys lose their virginity earlier, just that all my straight friends are way too nerdy and shy to actually make a move on the girls they obviously like and who are obviously obsessed with them in return. At least us gays have grindr, where it's obvious that everyone wants sex.

I think this is likely to be a generational thing. Once being gay is seen as completely normal, people will probably start coming out as soon as they realise it, i.e. at puberty or earlier. Once this is the case, LGBT people will have similar high school romances and dating experiences to straight people. Even if it's 5%, that means 1/20. I know way more than 20 people, and I'm definitely far from super social. Plus, I suspect that there are many more people who are mostly straight, but would be willing to try something with someone of the same sex if the stigma weren't there, but they aren't included in the 5%.

Do you actually have data or statistics for this? I find that many guys I've talked to said they had sexual experiences when they were pretty damn young. I had plenty of chances to lose my virginity but it didn't end up happening till 20... Like with grindr meeting guys is so easy most straight guys don't have something with apps that make it so easy... I mean I know there's stuff like tinder but lets be real most girls aren't going to just meet up for casual sex through the app

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