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ocpoetryalt•

As a concept piece, this is pretty interesting. In theory, I like the idea of using different pronouns to start different lines. In practice, however, I feel like the poem just doesn't give enough information for me to really get something out of it. I can think of a lot of different interpretations, which is good, but I think that there's a difference between different interpretations and not knowing what a piece is about.

Basically, I think that's it's too vague, but it's an interesting idea.

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PlacentaVibrations•

Very unique!

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PlacentaVibrations•

Just complimenting!

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SoberDelusion•

very nice poem, it's a really good idea. I wonder if you could rethink the last line and put in some end of the story there, not involved doesn't give me an idea of who 'they' are. in all the other pronouns i get an idea of who the pronoun is.

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OpenTheWaygateOP•

thanks for your feedback. Still thinking on that. Not satisfied either.

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YOBlob•

First 4 lines were great. Really pulled me in and got my mind going. What did he steal?

I expected more of a payoff, though. I don't get the last two lines. What judgement is being reserved, and who are 'they'? Introducing 'they' left me expecting at least another stanza.

It's kind of nice and minimal, but I think you may have gone TOO minimal and actually left out relevant information.

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coffee-code-repeat•

i like the unique approach, i imagine this could be a useful exercise

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