Hi, thanks for the comment this poem is still very much a work in progress, as for your first question I copied and pasted this poem from a word document I created and the capitals were automatically placed and I forgot to change it lol, the answer to the second question is That they does refer to the wimberries. As for the last suggestion I agree I do need to change some of the imagery to give a better sense of place and it is something I am currently working on, thankyou for reading my work and giving critique you have helped a lot.

This is a really cool little fantasy scape. The last line is nice and poetic without being try-hard sounding. There's a mysterious vibe to the whole piece that I enjoy too. A few questions/comments I have:

Why the decision to capitalize the start of every line? 

In line 7, who is the "they" that slumbers under a canopy? Is it the wimberries from the title? 

And I feel as though you could add a bit more solid imagery in the first three lines. You're describing this location, but I still don't have a great picture of it in my mind. 


I'm looking forward to reading the revision, if/when you post it! :)

Hi glad you enjoyed it, yeah I like that line too it was how I started the poem lol, and now that you mention repetitive words I can see what you mean especially about decrepit and crumbling, I am still editing this poem but I will pay more attention to the words I remove and the words I have used. 

Also now that you mention it green and gold really does feel out of place among the other imagery used, e.g. the clouds, rocks etc. My idea for that bit was along the lines of a present of some sort and the shrubbery that holds them is the wrapping paper, lol but corny but hell. I think I will change this part, and I absolutely love your suggestion, when I make edits I will change up things. 

Finally I agree that the first comma is misplaced and that there in fact should be a full stop after tradition, good spot lol punctuation was never my strong suit but I think this first draft is hiding a nice little poem and I wholly want to make it the best I can, thankyou for reading and critiquing

**The Good** - this is a great little piece about a [little berry](https://www.gliffaeshotel.com/2010/08/picking-wimberries/)! You achieve a lot in a short amount of space, and you do it with concrete imagery and very decent visuals. I *love* "greeting familiar hands," what a great line.

**Biggest Critique** - When a poem is this small, every word becomes incredibly important. I highly recommend taking out the repetitious words - pick either decrepit or crumbling, they evoke the same image.

 I find "canopy / Of green and gold" to be jarring among all the "gray" images, and it is both the most unclear visual in the poem and it detracts from "purple bloom." If I were to rewrite, I'd recommend:

> They slumber, forgotten

> Beneath the shadow of passing clouds,

> Dreaming...

**Grammar** - if you're going to use punctuation, be consistent with it. We need more than the one period at the end (most notably after "tradition"). Your commas could be better doled out also. 

Edit: formatting

Yes, who is "they"? 
Poem reminds me of artwork from [Rainbow Goblins](https://www.pinterest.com/finderscreepers/the-rainbow-goblins/?lp=true) -- quite magical

This is really pretty!  I love all the vivid imagery.  The word choice is quite good as well, the only thing that I found jarring are the lines

‘and the moors,

And the rock and clay’

I like the words, but to me these lines took some rereading before I realized what you were saying.  That brought me out of the landscape and poem for a few seconds.  I think it was the line breaks.

By the decrepit crumbling tower  
And the moors,  
And the rock and clay  
Lies a secret tradition  
Forgotten beneath  
The shadow of passing clouds,  
They slumber under a canopy  
Of green and gold  
Dreaming of greeting familiar hands,  
And dancing amidst the purple bloom.  

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7swmpq/comment/dt867h6  
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7ss2xz/if_i_were_a_child/

Wimberries