I like this piece although I feel that the alliteration in the first line is a little too much. The second line should be reworked into something with perfect rhyme, particularly since its message is already being conveyed in line 4 and, to a lesser extent, line 5.
 Otherwise, definitely an interesting take on the concept of memento mori; coupling that finality with the hope associated with a new day, it works well.

I like this, reminds me of Bob Dylan the way it just states an image and then another one and another. 

I guess I’m more concerned with the logistics of this. If any bird is hunting for worms, would it not make sense for them to be in the trees as opposed to being above the trees. Being above the trees risks the trees intercepting vision of prey. For that reason I’m not a fan of L3. I think circling for prey is something birds of prey do. Like an eagle circling a sheep in pastures. Circling is not an option when you are a bird in an area dense with trees. I think something along the lines of maneuvering through tree branches or something would make for a better replacement.  
  
Fin.  

i think its great, the rythm is perfect! except for the first vers, all of the others are written in a four-eyed troach, so you can read it really fluently. (i hope four-eyed troach is understandable, i did it with google translater)

Six solemn swallows swarm,    


Above the trees at break of dawn,  

  
To circle round and look for prey,  

  
A worm or two, a brand new day,    


The grass stays wet with morning rain,   

 
The creatures hide in fearful shame.    


For in the trees, the ground, the sky,    


We're all aware - we all must die.    


[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/81zmcy/who_am_i/dv6kjta/?context=0) [2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8203um/where_does_a_spilled_soul_go/dv6l0cu/?context=0)


This poem is really new, I feel like a lot of small things need to be changed about it, but I'm not sure what. I would be very grateful for some advice and opinions.

Memento Mori