I think the diction here is on point; it's direct while also whimsical ("syrupy alarm"). The rhythm is strong and words are crisp (my favorite line being "slumped on my sofa"), with some irony in that the ending "loses rhythm." One suggestion I might make is to add a line in the last stanza, for a neater 3x3 structure.

Thank you so much for this. I can't believe you understood my intentions behind the poem as well as you did...The clarity with which you have interpreted it and then put in the effort to write it in detail in your feedback has made me appreciate my own poem more. Again, thank you very much...it means a lot.

You do a wonderful job of surprising the reader with each line, which reverses in some sense what happened in the previous. We go from a nature scene, to a schlub on a couch, and then the nature is actually on TV. But then the phone rings, but the schlub actually waiting to hear from someone, that someone is a stranger, and actually this was the alarm, and the alarm/phone/will to get off the couch is dying, and it has been for some time. 

*Every line* bends the readers' expectations. You enhance this sense of reversal by sprinkling the text with opposites: blue/red, nature/technology, outdoor/indoor, phone rings/waiting for a text, sway gently/slumped. 

Next let's look at the scene. Like we said, it's a schlub on a couch. We get that he/she's been there for a long time since we have a reference to the loop of the tv footage, and the cycle of the alarm. The whole scene is on loop. It's depressing: you hear the alarm go off and do nothing, you keep slumping on the couch. People only se

I like the use of enjambment, e.g. 'not my syrupy alarm // Which loses rhythm and power'. It really helps create the atmosphere. I feel that you could maybe use metre in an interesting way for your first stanza, perhaps in order to mimic or emphasize the feeling of sluggish sleepiness which you're creating. Right now, I feel like the first three lines are less easy to read, flow less fluidly. (Unless that was what you were going for of course).

Thank you! Looking forward to your feedback.

I'm going to bed but i wanted to make a note to comment on this in the morning,  it's just marvelous. 

Wheat fields sway gently in the wind,  
and I'm slumped on my sofa  
as I watch the scene loop on a red TV.  


My phone rings softly and glows blue,  
but I'm waiting for a text  
from a stranger, not my syrupy alarm  


Which loses rhythm and power  
every passing cycle.  


[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/82w2d3/on_white/dve3fnb/?context=0)  [2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/82in6d/to_lauren_s_from_a_facebook_comment_section/dvdukw8/?context=0)

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