Background Noise

“tick tick ticTOCK tick tick ticTOCK tick tick”

I sit at the little keyboard in my room.

I start to play a little, sing a diddle.

A nice escape from the background noise,

It’s a dream world to keep me stable.

Then the song’s done.

In that moment of break, I hear it and ache.

“tick tick ticTOCK tick tick ticTOCK tick tick”

I have two clocks in my room.

One’s on the wall, one’s in a box. They tick over each other.

The wall clock’s been known to break, so I have the other clock ready.

It’s already been fitted with batteries.

But not by me.

Someone else had to do that for me.

“tick tick ticTOCK tick tick ticTOCK tick tick”

I’d move it away, but how can I?

I can’t move myself. Motivation’s so dry.

It’s a simple task, so why can’t I?

Nuisance I do nothing about but sigh.

I sit.

I let the endless cacophony of rhythm not end.

“tick tick ticTOCK tick tick ticTOCK tick tick”

“tick tick ticTOCK tick tick ticTOCK tick tick”

I can’t take it I can’t take it.

Fingers back on keyboard, let’s play more diddles.

Claw myself away from this place.

Clench that dream world I won’t let waste.

Ride butterflies in a sparkly haze, but eventually,

It’s done.

“tick tick ticTOCK tick tick ticTOCK tick tick”

Time keeps going. Yes.

Time keeps stomping jauntily.

Each tick, it pats my head gingerly.

I’m too unmotivated to turn around, but I know it’s smiling.

“You’re wasting your life,

while simply you quit, you don’t hear me stopping,

tick tick ticTOCK tick tick ticTOCK tick tick.”

There will be a day when I no longer hear it,

But that will be the day when I die.

When will that be? I wish I could know.

I only know that’s where time heads perpetually.

I sit, doing nothing.

I’m along for the ride.

“tick tick ticTOCK tick tick ticTOCK tick tick.”

Inside me, there’s guilt, self-hate, terror.

I can replace them though.

I paint over them in rainbows with notes I play, the diddles I sing.

But unlike motivation, rainbow paint won’t stay dry.

The other things are freed,

Brought back by the irreplaceable noise that surrounds me.

“tick tick ticTOCK tick tick ticTOCK tick tick”

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