Thanks for the feedback! :) Took your suggestion.

I liked the whole poem until the final two lines which didn’t live up the the standard of the rest.   I think maybe end with something more poetic, an analogy, more descriptive or perhaps very vague.  

I find your writing style very familiar and easy to relate to. I just sort of wished that you somehow hinted to the emotional impact the setting (which you depicted really well) has on the person observing it.
I also would've liked for the ending to have more of a kick to it. 

Honestly? I think it's quite effective. The one thing to jump out at me was "The uncoordinated gliding". I think my mind sort of rejected the usual grace and smoothness of something gliding with being uncoordinated. The imagery that the atmosphere of the poem brought to my mind's eye showed them slashing at the sky, a sort of disorderly conduct to compliment the noise.

Very effective piece. Love the way it breathes and flows and the image is draws. The last two lines are just golden. 

I have one suggestion however, I think a "uncoordinated gliding of crows" is in itself a strong line indicating doom, agitation negativity of some sort. There was no need to contrast that with the help of the gulls metaphor. Pergaps, you could replace it with something else?

Thank you for the feedback. I get what you're saying and I will work on it

What a bittersweet little poem! I love the idea of there being "a conquered sky" - a battle between the birds, the moon, the Sun, the clouds, the weather. It draws a sense of equality between all the fronts - where the birds, the moon and the Sun could even begin to compete on the same platform.

Worth working on: the poem **could** be improved by some rewording, taking into consideration the meter/rhythm of each line. I like the inconsistency in the concluding line - stark, dramatic, much like the theme of the poem. However, it can feel a little block-ish/ doesn't flow from line-to-line. I reckon a consistency in meter throughout the poem, until the last line(s), will really add boldness to your story.

The uncoordinated gliding of crows

as they dirty the air with caws,

Harbingers of black days.

A hasty flock of gulls escaping somewhere,

White doesn't belong in these skies.

The half moon hides

watching a slowly drowning sun,

Helpless, as dark clouds converge;

New rulers of conquered sky,

Bringing their own law;

Rain.



https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/86v81f/the_voice/dwc9ojo?utm_source=reddit-android

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/87b95z/the_desert_sky/dwc0j9q?utm_source=reddit-android

*Edited.

The Death of March.