The flow of this poem works great for its story telling nature, I really love how each line plays into the next. The ending took me by surprise, I didn't expect it and it was very well executed.

Wow, this was good. I liked "Or past me, it was hard to tell:" the most as it portrayed how mesmerized the narrator was.

I'm surprised this wasn't higher up; it had the right flow and imagery. However, I might just be a huge fan of the concept of wrapping a neat tale into a fluffy poem. At any rate, I liked it a lot. :)

Thanks for the kind words. I haven't read Dune but I've got a copy and I've been meaning to for a while. As for continuing with this poem, I feel like its pretty self contained as it is. Having said that, I do want to explore the ballad form again, and when I do I'll be sure to stage it in a similarly strange setting, perhaps not a desert tho, so stay tuned for that! :)

Damn I am a big fan of that rhyme scheme, it really keeps the focus on the ends of the stanzas and provides that little bridge to keep things flowing from one stanza to the next. 
Also was not expecting the twist, I am a fan.

You should try and continue this train, I'd like to hear your description of this kind of desert! going off this, have you read Dune? Idk why but your poem reminded me of it 

Among the ceaseless sands of time  
There dropped a jaded star.  
And from the beauteous wreck emerged  
The darkling girl afar.   


Her hair was tied above her head  
And fell below when she  
Revealed her blinding, darkling mane  
And smiling, looked at me.  



Or past me, it was hard to tell:  
The biting sand grew ever near  
And wings of blight encroached upon  
All things bright and clear.  



She looked to where the sun had set  
Far past the huge sand dune,  
Upon which stood a kindly man  
Drawn by her silent tune.  



Her hand fell rest upon his arm  
And simultaneously  
She reached around the world and stabbed  
A cold iron knife through me.  



The sands dispersed, the starlight fled  
The darkness filled my mind.  
The moment passed, reduced to but  
A single sand of time.  


https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/88iifc/to_the_skyairwind/dwkyh17/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/88h4hx/waitress_on_a_friday_night/dwkz6mh/

[Feedback Request] The Sands of Time (a ballad)