Neverminds
if neverminds ignite question
clever minds feel fright, lesson
today is life's blessing
breathe the west in did I mention
clever minds feel fright, sets end
Posted Apr 5, 2018, 8:52 PM UTC · edited
36
I feel like you are forcing the words to rhyme , theres no flow. I like your first line where you say " if neverminds ignite question" it's weird because i was just listening to the never mind album by nirvana . Any ways good job i enjoyed reading it
1
Strange I quite enjoy the flow of this one the way I read it in my head.
1
You use internal rhymes and match the meter line to line, except for the third line, to create that sense of flow. It doesn't however make much sense. The most meaning I get out of it is a comment on clever and absent-minded people.
2
Thanks, I had more to it but took it out to keep it short and simple. I hoped to get the point across that you need to take a moment to reflect on the way the western world has influenced humanity, within the realm of wanting more and trying to get all these things that you can't take with you when your gone and the only thing you ever have is the moment now.
1
And...from what lines was I going to draw these conclusions?
1
"Today is life's blessing"
Best line in my opinion.
Consider giving your capitalization/punctuation a more regular structure.