Fevers Run High
Fevers run high when I'm with her
Lightning strikes, and I feel my heart spur
My heart contorts and withers without
Beyond control and withstanding any doubt
For our impassioned pursuit can be found anywhere
But to us it's picturesque, individual, unique and exclusive to a hair
Just a first shot at poetry, and using a classic AABBCC, rhyme scheme. Not really a big fan of poetry that doesn't rhyme, and has a meaning that is overly illusive. This is just about relationships, and union, and how it's raw and unique on the ground level, but when love is looked at as a phenomena, and from a non-microscopic level, there is universality. Be harsh in your critique, because this is my first poem. Maybe when I mature as a poetry writer I can include metaphors and similes to make it a little bit more stimulating and enticing.
Posted Apr 22, 2018, 12:34 PM UTC
This was a nice read. Needless to say, the imagery was powerful and fitting for the topic. The use of rhyme was pretty useful here as it gives the poem a lot of flow. As far as critiques go, I think that using no punctuation at all would give the piece an even larger emotional impact. Also, I can't say I agree with how the theme is presented. To present the idea is both unique and individual, it's best to show, not tell. Describe a unique perspective on love, then relate it to its broader definition. That may be a more poetic way to relay your message. Still, I enjoyed reading this.
P.S. You may want to refrain from explaining your poem. At best it doesn't allow your art to speak for itself, and at worse some people could see it as condescending.