Nope definitely liked it and I respect your justifications.  Well done.

Thanks so much for the feedback.

I will say that it does rhyme for me, so that may be an accent thing? But you're right that it does change between sort of half-rhyme and perfect rhyme, but lots of poems/poets use both interchangeably.

And no, I mean literally. She's literally locking the actual door on a man she could love, while also yes, figuratively locking love out of her heart. So the word literally here was both intentional and correct haha. 

But thank you for the feedback and for not hating it :)

> Ladies and gentlemen, gather around.
> I have a tale that will amaze and astound!

depends on where you pause after "tale", but _I have a tale that will amaze you and astound_ sounds good to me because it's a faster beat with no breaks. Must be an accent thang.

The subject matter is pretty crazy but it's supposed to be so that's fine.  A few points on form: 

>Ladies and gentlemen, gather around.
I have a tale that will amaze and astound!

In general I like your rhyme here but the rhythm is a bit off for me on the second line.  I'm pretty sure it's the word "that" which unfortunately is necessary grammatically here.  Also the next few lines do not conform to a rhyming pattern and then it goes back again which makes it feel a bit disjointed. 



>She shut the door and turned the key,
Locking out love - literally.

The "literally" here I think was intentional but technically it's "figuratively" no? so...Not sure this works all the way for me.  Does rhyme though so just justify it to yourself and I think it will be fine.


The rest of the poem flows nicely both in meter and rhyme.  Good job.  

Heavy stuff.





I know exactly what you mean about the problem with the variation in line length, I think it's what's really giving me a problem with this poem. Because yeah, it does have that nursery rhyme, sing-song feel, but it's broken up by the odd line length. At some point I may figure out a way to fix that in a way I'm happy with.

Thanks for the feedback :)

I love that dark twist at the end. Its brutal. Overall its just a great poem in general.
I would say that it has a nursey rhyme quality to it, its very 'sing-song' (to use a completely non-technical term). Unfortunately, the variations in line length don't lend themselves to that quality. Normally I like line variation, or rhythm, but here they seem a bit mutually exclusive. Though that is just my opinion.

I like this a lot. I felt the hurt of rejection. I felt the inability to fall again. And finally the satisfaction of leaving someone like they left you. 

I feel like “literally” in this could maybe be replaced. I can speculate this was maybe a situation where someone was actually locked out but I don’t get enough context to pick up on it. 

Overall I really like this. 

Ladies and gentlemen, gather around.  
I have a tale that will amaze and astound!  
There once was a girl, who grew up too fast,  
She bargained with love and paid the price with her heart.  
Now nothing more than bones and blood,  
She wasn’t sure that she could love.  
So when her prince came riding by,  
She turned her gaze and shut her eyes.  
Alone, alone, for many years,  
In the company of her growing fears.  
She shut the door and turned the key,  
Locking out love - literally.  
So when her prince came round again,  
His new love in tow, surrounded by friends,  
She knew it was time to venture outside,  
The time was over for trying to hide.  
The first man she met, she did give him her love,  
Then pushed him downstairs with a violent shove.  
And now the girl, amazed by the thrill,  
Found her love in the act of the kill.

Feedback:  
[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/91u317/bring\_it/](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/91u317/bring_it/)

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/91vfnw/aroma\_an\_original\_haiku/](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/91vfnw/aroma_an_original_haiku/)

Love Story