Source
r/OCPoetry•
WithOneSipOfTea

Alien World

Feedback Received!

I'm in search of new colors,

or another variation of love,

on an alien world~

having a conversation above.

.

.

There's no day or night cycle,

everything fades to white or black,

and time? it flies by you

but you can rewind it back.

.

.

Horizons filled with a monochrome sky,

& weather here is absent of elements,

I'm seeing new things but blood pops in my eyes,

there's no stopping this ride, so..to hell with it.

.

.

Feeling so close yet I'm so far in a literal sense,

can't feel my toes aloft in zero gravity,

'you're crazy!' echoes- th-they're giving me meds?

it's time to blast off, I'm goin' back to 'reality'....

.

.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/95dcfv/lucid_dreams/e3rzw4i/?context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/95d4tp/home_on_the_river/e3rzmpx/?context=3

Posted Aug 7, 2018, 6:30 PM UTC · edited

66
Kiyoshiakira•

This was kind of funny. You can live in your own universe for a while if you want to! Then other people say...nope...here's some pills! Loved the poem!

2
WithOneSipOfTeaOP•

Thank you for reading:) I'm glad you saw a little humor in it, too.

1
poetry-with-Lexx•

Wow, very cool. Creative, in your creation of a planet/another world. Not sure what you meant with blood pops in my eyes, whether that was meant literally or metaphorically.

2
WithOneSipOfTeaOP•

Thank you for reading.

1
gwrgwir•

This was an interesting read and a solid twist at the end. I'm not sure whether monochrome works with a dichromal (white/black) world, but the weather absent of elements is thought-provoking. I'd recommend reading 'Einstein's Dreams' by Alan Lightman if you're not already familiar, btw. Can't find a lot to critique on this one, tbh. Tripping isn't my cup-o-tea, but it can make for solid poetry.

1
WithOneSipOfTeaOP•

Thank you for the feedback.:) I revised this after some initial feedback, and, I think I can make what concept I had in mind work better. I’m glad you caught it was a ‘trip’, I always try to imagine what people under reality see.

1