My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
Posted Aug 26, 2009, 2:55 PM UTC
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He must be told that if you were to run over a ninja, it wouldn't be the real ninja because a true ninja is a master of deception, thus leading to the fact that you ran over a blurred image of the ninja due to his cat like speeds of movement.
Then you tell your son that he is not allowed to be a ninja for Halloween because a ninja could take his place without you being able to recognize the difference, and then after 10 years of you believing you raised your real son, you ended up raising a full grown ninja which you thought it was your son, and your son probably ended up becoming a ninja when he was replaced at the mere age of four, and now your son is on the hunt of assassinating you thus leading to your unfortunate death.
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I wish to watch this movie.
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Watch Ong bak 2.
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Fucking great movie, please tell me we have more Ong bak fans here.
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we do.
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Yup.
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All knees and elbows, baby.
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Thanks, it definitely sounds interesting, will watch as soon as possible.
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I watched this movie, though entertaining I fail to see the connection with Ong Bak.
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This is the correct answer.
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Ninja Cuckoos?
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Ninja Changelings
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Isn't this basically the plot to Wanted
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No idea, I heard that movie was terrible so never watched it
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Its a great popcorn action movie but it's about as deep as paris hilton.
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Wasn't this similar to Ninja Oedipus?
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"the ninja would be seriously injured or killed."
cars are the most dangerous common objects in the lives of kids, and this is a gimme opportunity to reinforce this hazard with potentially life-saving information.
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He hands out the dental floss and reminds them to floss daily and ration the candy or donate it.
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Heh, yea. Donate the candy. Because the poor don't have enough problems. :)
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DIABETES
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eh who cares, soon we'll have free health care for all. they can just go get their teeth cleaned
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Either way, he's the one with eggs/dog feces all over the house by the next morning.
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Nah, he's the one handing out the candy and then using it as a 'teachable moment' to tell kids why they shouldn't take candy from strangers.
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No, he's the one who reinforces a good day's work by giving nothing and saying "you need to work for this."
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Halloween is socialism.
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thank you for asking! on halloween, i'm the guy handing out the money, because i refuse to support the candy industry and i want to empower the children to make their own choices. the older kids appreciate the cash, and the younger kids' parents appreciate that they won't have to squint hard at my offering to make sure it's safe.
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Oh great, the guy with the Dixie cups full of pennies and nickels. Even better.
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dollars, baby, in a big margarita glass i got in vegas. i have never been egged or otherwise vandalized on halloween, and i'm sufficiently popular that sometimes, kids will come back dressed as something else the same night.
evil global candy industry? i dunno, but odds are, your kid is already overweight, and why should i contribute to the problem you started in the first place? there's too damn much candy being eaten in this country. i have gotten other people to distribute money on halloween in the past, and am grateful for the opportunity to persuade those of you reading this.
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What if the child eats the money, then it will be all you fault Callipygian1.
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I give 'em cigarettes.
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But...but...you could hide a razor blade in a cigarette. The children would be smoking razor blades!
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What the fuck if wrong with you? I hope they're lights, at least. If it's some of that Luck Strikes garbage, you oughtta be shot.
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Is there now an evil global candy industry?
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Delicious evil.
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Well, largely, yes.. Modern Halloween is designed to get consumers to buy candy (and costumes, decorations, etc). Halloween is vastly different than it used to be. Door-to-door candy wasn't until the 1920s.
Companies do get people to celebrate "holidays" in non-traditional ways in order to gain profit (Hello Cinco de Mayo)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halloween_around_the_world#United_States_and_Canada
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Well, sir, I have to thank you and your kind. This is how me and my friends got weed one halloween in middle school.
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you should really post a picture of your butt
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My elementary school principal lived in my neighborhood; she handed out pencils and I had to act thrilled 'cause I'd see her at school the next day.
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I would straight kill a bitch if that happened.
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with the pencil... so i guess you would of had to bring a sharpener with you.
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I hand out condoms and say "be safe or be sorry".
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I love that you actually turned out to be right. Bwaha!
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BORING!
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alas, your kid will never be a ninja
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what did you edit in that statement?
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cars are the most dangerous common objects in the lives of kids
THIS.
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Number two? Toasters.
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my brother got zapped once while trying to extract a pop tart from the toaster with a butter knife. needless to say, it wasn't unplugged - but he learned his lesson pretty fast.
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Wtf? Why was this upvoted so much? This is a silly thread discussing ninjas and their ability to be awesome. Not child/automobile safety.
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I read this after reading all the rest of the funny answers, which allowed me to feel a moment of clarity after reading this answer
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Extraordinarily conscientious reply for someone with such a gorgeous backside.
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oh jesus!
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He becomes two ninjas?
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Upvoted for bifurcated ninja mitosis action!
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haha... invagination
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Upvoted for truth!
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Buy that kid a beer. He's ready.
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That's when you say: "Son, did you borrow my car yesterday?"
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"Clearly, I was a better ninja."
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You tell him this and you tell him real good, "You keep driving because it's a trap. That ninja wants you to stop so he can kill you, your family, and especially your son who asks too many questions."
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Ask him why he wants to know! Engage your 4-year old in conversation about ninjas! And cars. Find out what's going on in that little head of his. :)
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Tell him "If you run over a ninja, then obviously that ninja did not eat his vegetables."
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That somewhere in a distant land... a pirate got his eyepatch.
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Quiet son, daddy has to keep his eyes on the road.
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Killjoy.
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Was Freshpinescent already taken?
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No, but when making an Original Ecksbawcks Live account, there was a character limit.
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Damn that sucks =<
EDIT: Had to do the same thing in BF II with my name, lobsteknuckles lol
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When I was little, my father was famous. He was the greatest samurai in the empire; and he was the Shogun's decapitator. He cut off the heads of a hundred and thirty one lords. It was a bad time for the empire. The Shogun just stayed inside his castle and he never came out. People said his brain was infected by DEVILS. My father would come home -- he would forget about the killings. He wasn't scared of the Shogun, but the Shogun was scared of him. Maybe that was the problem. Then, one night... the Shogun sent his ninja spies to our house. But one totally got smoked by a minivan. Shogun was pissssed.
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I'm on a mission that niggaz say is impossible, but when I hit em with my car they all choppable.... sorry, that was horrible.
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Upvoted for bravery. You go little toaster, you go!
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You're doing a damned fine job if he's only four and already knows what a ninja is.
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Well, let me know when you see a ninja and we'll see.
edit: but seriously, as a Dad myself, I would say that he would probably grab on to the bottom of the car and be silently riding with us until the car stopped at a light or something and then he'd run off and continue ninjaing...after telling us to be more careful.
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Yikes, I would not tell a 4-year old about hiding under a car, he might try it the next time you play hide and seek.
shudder
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Kids aren't idiots, if one is hiding under a car, and someone gets in it, they'll move.
Probably.
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Yeah, you'd think. This kid I knew when I was little didn't. x.x He survived, but had to have his teeth, parts of his mouth and his palate reconstructed.
shudder revisited
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Small price to pay for becoming a ninja.
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Kids aren't idiots
Do you have kids? I have 5, and I'll just say: you'd be surprised.
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I was joking.
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That ninja was already sick, and would have died anyway, as a healthy ninja would not be slow enough to get hit by a car.
At any rate, that's what my mom always told me about birds...
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"I don't know, son. I'm not sure anyone does. And I hope to god that nobody ever finds out."
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And they never will if a ninja is doing their job right.
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4 years old and already trolling.
Awesome.
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A swift backhand to the face should knock the stupid out of him.
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I pity your future kids.
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I pity your sense of humor.
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Hmmm well if you think hitting 4 year olds is fun you probably would like this...clicky
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What's the best part about hitting 4 year olds?
There's 4 of 'em.
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Slap your 4-year old son for being such a dumb fuck. Ninjas cannot be runover.
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Cut the kid some slack. You can't even -see- a ninja, let alone overrun them.
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Except midgets. They can see ninjas; they have night-vision too.
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I just got a vision of midget-ninjas. Wow!
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their also more fun to run over with cars
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"He must not have been a ninja."
That's what he wanted you to think. Right up until your car falls in half a mile down the road.
falls in what?!?!?!?
He accidentally the whole car!
LIVING IN THE LAND OF THE LOST!
where is this from again?
Falls in half, a mile down the road.
(shh!)
it's an SMS just reread it
I was joking.
at the very least, a very bad ninja.
more like a nonja.
A JOKE FROM THIS ONE!
It's terrible what passes for a ninja these days
They must have lowered their prerequisite standards to bolster the ranks after the big "pirates are awesome" swing that has happened in the past few years.
This guy's the next big thing. Watch out for this one.
Or maybe his dad was just a better ninja.
"Better ninja"?
A ninja and a ninja have a fight. Who wins?
The ninja does.
Actually if a ninja fights a ninja they would fight for a century and then they would both explode. It would be pretty awesome like buying a t-shirt and then realizing it come with a free Lamborghini and Megan Fox and a real fox.
You're so wise. Like a modern-day Confucius.
We all do, sir. :O
The real answer is You'll never know.
"BELIEVE IT" screech thump
More like, "BELIEVE IT" thump
More like, "BELIEVE IT" roar of engine accelerating - thump
Perhaps he was a Ninja Pirate -- that would explain the bad eyesight use of only one leg when avoiding the car. Additionally since Pirates spend their time at sea, this would explain why few Ninja Pirates are killed in boating accidents.
are you suggesting sir, that a pirate would or could somehow mate with a ninja to create a ninja/pirate? If you are.. how dare you sir. How dare you!
Is it weird that I read the first word of your post with a pirate accent?
well of course the pirate would rape one of those cute japanese girl ninja's which would lead her into a lifetime of training to become a ninja killer and get her revenge. there must be a manga about this and at least a porn movie in there somewhere.
Have you not played Ninja <3 Pirate?
A few bottles of rum in them, and I dare say that a pirate might mate with anything.
Are you prejudice or did you just not think of the possibility that the ninja mated with the pirate? You know, in-and-out (or on-and-off) in the blink of an eye. Why should Superman be the only one who has split-second flings.
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IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAVE AN OXYMORON IN YOUR COMMENT. YOU NEED OXYCLEAN TO REPAIR THE DAMAGE. BUY 2 GET 3 FREE. CALL NOW!
Too soon.
It's too late to apologize... It's too late...
He might have fallen victim to the inverse ninja rule, which states that up to three ninjas are badass, but as the number of ninjas increases they eventually become nothing more than cannon fodder.
You mean the Law of the Diminishing Ninja, which states that for a collection of ninja, there is a fixed amount of awesome. Thus, the more ninja there are, the less effective each individual ninja becomes.
edit: Note that this also applies to police cruisers in the Blues Brothers films.
Ah yes, the Law of Diminishing Ninja Awesome as purported by Dr. Michael McNinja.
But have you heard of the Inverse Law of Pirate Awesomeness that states that Pirates are more awesome and effective when they join together in larger and larger groups. That one or two pirates will be bumbling fools (or a cool pirate that is captured by his enemies), but as this number increases pirates become more skilled and able to do more amazing feats.
It is theorized that if enough pirates ever joined together in one massive fleet of piracy that they would be virtually unstoppable, like an F6 Tornado or the Red Spot of Jupiter. Pure Awesome.
Oh, I covered Pirates in AWSM 232, way back in second year, so I'm familiar with it in passing. But my undergraduate degree had a bit of breadth, while my postgraduate work has focused primarily on ninja.
Interesting to hear about current work in another field, though. Thanks for keeping me updated!
The red spot of Jupiter is actually a prime example of the two laws in action.
It's the remnants of an awesome battle between 9001 ninjas and 9001 pirates. Needless to say, the skies were filled with ninja blood, and the entire planet was vaporized.
One ninja, look out. Two ninja, oh shit. Three ninja, your screwed. Four or more ninja, Foot Clan pussies
4 turtles > many foot.
So, does this also explain why members of the KONOHA NINJA SQUAD have next to no effectiveness against generic enemies in filler (and even some non-filler episodes?)
It is an acceptable demonstration if the Konoho ninja are being treated as boring squadmates instead of the awesome individual ninja they are. Typically this is addressed by focusing on each as an individual so that although they work together, they do not suffer the Law of the Diminishing Ninja.
You should read my thesis on the subject. It's called, "On the Individuality of Ninja and Consequences for Ninja Squads, with a Focus on the Law of the Diminishing Ninja". But good luck finding the publication!
Conservation Of Ninjutsu, that's what it's really called.
(by the way, I'm laughing maniacally right now, as my hard earned immunity allows me to destroy souls with such links without being lost myself)
That's actually called the Law of Diminishing Marginal Ninjitity.
You think I don't know that? Please; I'm a postdoctoral fellow in Awesome Studies, with a focus on Ninja. I was simply wording it such that those less educated might follow along. ;-)
regibump...the ultimate love =)
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Only because they're always fighting hoards of ninjas from the foot clan. BUT by the time they get to Shredder, he's the only one left standing and he kicks their ass, until Master Splinter gets involved.
Don't forget about Bebop and Rocksteady too. And of course, what ever happened to Krang?
Poof...ninja smoke
More proof: The Konoha ninja squad.
Conservation Of Ninjitsu
Interesting theory Inspector, But obviously you have not been following the 'survival of the Ninjest' law which has been gaining in momentum over the past millennium. Much like the ancient Spartans, (before they mysteriously disappeared leaving only a trail of bloody shirkens) practiced throwing the marginally smaller babys off of cliffs, it is believed that the Ninja offspring procreated through mitosis are usually mowed into bloody yet nutritious mush by (and exclusively by) Toyotas and Hondas. Being inferior, their first instinct when confronted by headlights is to maximize exposed surface area. This would explain why this inferior baby sub-ninja look like a real ninja while being eaten by your car's under-carrige.
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It's like the "No True Scotsman" logical fallacy, but true.
We'll call it the No True Ninja constant.
Most likely some guy in pajamas but definitely not a ninja
"The man in the black pajamas... worthy fuckin' adversary."
This reminds me of a favorite Irish joke (officemonkey is half-monkey, half-Irish, so it's okay):
Mickey, visibly shaken, rushes into Paddy's Bar in downtown Dublin and orders a double Whiskey.
"Paddy," Mickey says, clearly intoxicated, "how big do you reckon those penguins get?"
Paddy thinks a bit and says "No bigger than two or three feet, Mickey".
"Oh, what a relief! For a second there, I thought I ran over a nun!"
I think I'm having a paradigm shift from wanting to be the loving caring dad of dads that chicks want to make babies with to being the awesome dad of shitmydadsays...
Finally.... A use for Twitter.
Or he was drunk...
if you could see the ninja than he was not in fact a ninja.
"You don't run over a ninja. The ninja runs over you, but you never know about it."
Im calling the submitters bluff on reddit attention... exibit A shows that he lifted this entire ask reddit from this site. http://melon.posterous.com/random-thoughts-from-25-35-year-olds
"Son, that was a ninja. I just ran him over because I am a ninja too. But I am a way better ninja. Because I have a car and ran him over." "And, Oh, don't tell mommy. Ok?"
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Of course, I could be wrong.
You're absolutely right.
Of course, I could be wrong.
Mind = blown
They still do exist
Ninjas are fictional characters? What the shit?
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I'm fine with Santa until he starts saying to hate gays and anyone who doesn't accept the sanctity of Rudolph is going to burn in a lake of fire for all eternity.