Source
r/ForeverAlone•
HellishHello

Would you lie about your virginity and lack of relationships in order to not put off women?

I firmly intend to.

As a 26 year old virgin with no relationship experience, I'm pretty much forced to lie about it. I know it's comforting to believe women don't care about these things or that only a small number, who aren't worth it anyway, of them does. But let's be honest here, being an older virgin without romantic experience is a huge red flag on a biological level (genetic failure) and social level ("what's wrong with him?"). I'd rather not tank my chances from the getgo just for some vague moral highground.

And no, I'm not a hypocrite. I would not mind a woman not sharing her sexual history with me, unless it involves STDs or the possibility of having to fight a crazy ex-boyfriend, haha. Actually, I'd probably be more comfortable not hearing about past men at all.

Posted Jan 21, 2019, 4:32 PM UTC

3553
[deleted]•

[deleted]

50
Badatti•

Beat me to it.

4
IcyTask•

No, I wouldn't. If I was talking to a woman and they were put off by the idea that I'm a virgin, then it's clear to me that the woman is no longer worth being in a relationship with. You like people for who they are - not judging them differently based on their experiences.

To me, someone lying to me is a bigger red flag. It goes to show you can't be trusted to be honest.

25
SoFreshNSoKleenKleen•

The fact that we've reached a point as a society that judges being a virgin as evidence of something being extremely wrong with you and that we feel the need to lie about it, is honestly making me despise this planet -___-

22
oizz•

When you're in the bottom percentiles for when a normal life milestone happens, that is evidence there's something wrong with you.

7
aglystor•

When you know each other for a long time and she has a detailed picture of your personality then you being a virgin would only be a quaint miniscule piece of the puzzle.

But normally sex is on the table after a few hours of talking and as the puzzle still has few pieces virginity will be a more prominent information than it deserves.

Two possible strategies: waiting with sex until you know each other better or fib about your experience.

Waiting has the risk that she isn't into sex at all and you won't get much of it later on in the relationship.

2
oneiros562Ex FA at 28•

I definitely don't bring it up and I generally don't steer conversation in that direction. That said, the last time I was directly asked about it, when I really thought I was bout to lose my virginity, I told the truth and it didn't end up working out.

21
[deleted]•

That's not a good way to start a relationship be honest from the beginning dude.

19
GoldenRod774The One Inch Wonder•

And then never get into a relationship because no one wants a 26 year old virgin!

21
oizz•

If a woman was on a date with some ridiculously attractive charming man, who said he'd never slept with woman before because he wanted his first experience to be with the right person, do you think she wouldn't want him?

Unless it's some girl who's just horny and wants a good fuck, it's not so much the virginity women don't want, it's the reasons why no woman has slept with you - no one wants to date a broken, dysfunctional weirdo. If you can get that somewhat squared away and meet someone who is actually attracted to you, the virgin status itself is not that big a deal if you don't make it a big deal.

-7
GoldenRod774The One Inch Wonder•

do you think she wouldn't want him?

There's a chance that she might think the reasons behind, like you said, make the man in some way dysfunctional.

If you can get that somewhat squared away and meet someone who is actually attracted to you, the virgin status itself is not that big a deal if you don't make it a big deal.

If you can get that somewhat squared away

Nope. Not happening, chief.

and meet someone who is actually attracted to you

Will literally NEVER happen even if I live through the entire course of mankind's future on this Earth.

the virgin status itself is not that big a deal if you don't make it a big deal.

Sure, the virgin status itself isn't a big deal. But the virgin status, and the obesity, and the self esteem issues, and the small dick, and the terrible personality, and the neckbeard, greasy hair, perpetually bad skin, health issues, lack of social skills, lack of hobbies, lack of social network, lack of friends, lack of support network, lack of job, lack of car, lack of experience and lack of knowledge ARE.

16
gore313•

Of course she would want him becasue he is "ridiculously attractive" and would believe he is waiting for the right girl. But an ugly FA, she wouldn't want, she would know its because he's ugly and theirs something wrong with him

7
oizz•

In this hypothetical, I'm assuming the girl is into you otherwise, and you're basically headed towards having sex with her. Obviously, if the girl isn't attracted to you to begin with, it doesn't matter whether you're a virgin or not, you're already done.

0
nmaddine•

It would be a lie to say “wanted first experience to be with the right person”

2
beefcake_123•

You sure about that? Everyone's a virgin at some point.

-10
GoldenRod774The One Inch Wonder•

Sure, everyone's a virgin. But not at 26.

29
ByronicAsianMAKOTO DECLARED BEST GIRL; I mean srsly how is she so perfect•

Yea, but most first relationships don't last anyways. So there really is no downside to lying to get the experience.

-1
beefcake_123•

I don't lie about it. I am a virgin myself but I would like some proper instruction if I ever get in bed with a girl. You can only get that by being honest.

18
aglystor•

This "proper instruction" can be done in advance, it's called amateur porn. My first time was with a sex worker and she couldn't tell that I was a virgin. At least she asked me about my wife and judging from her reaction to my response I guess that the question wasn't fake.

If you want to catch up on the missed teenage experience of making a big deal about losing your virginity, it's fine, too. I just want to say that it's not obligatory to do it that way.

-7
beefcake_123•

Everyone wants something different. Best conduct the service in the way that the girl wants it, not how you want it.

13
aglystor•

Yes, exactly. But then talk about what she wants, not about you being a virgin.

The big difference lies between the first time sex with a new partner and sex with a familiar partner. Not between first time sex with a new partner and first time sex at all.

5
fierycharmCity•

I don’t understand. Are you saying that you learned how to have sex from porn? I thought that was the worst place to look.

3
aglystor•

Whether it's a bad place to look really depends on your taste in porn.

Okay, in general it is a bad place to look and even most amateur porn will have choking, spanking, facials, etc. Things you better don't do irl at least not without talking about it before.

But occasionally there is this video from a cute couple who don't stage their sex for the camera. Rather they have sex like they would with the camera off, they really like each other and both enjoy what they are doing. This is the kind of porn you learn from.

2
FAonceandforever•

Only if you're planning on hooking up and not starting a relationship. You can't have a serious relationship with someone that starts based on a lie.

13
eindroid•

Why? It's easy to lie about relationships, she just can not meet anyone that knows you for the rest of your life and since FA people don't have friends you just have to hide or kill your family.... /s

6
riishaxI hate the indifferent, therefore I hate myself.•

I wouldn't since sincerity is essential to me, and any girl which would have a problem with it isn't worth it anyways. Now you might say that it is actually quite common for that to be a dealbreaker, and you may very well be right about that, honestly I have no clue. But for my part it would just serve as more evidence that most people are too shallow to be interesting.

9
Ifeellikeshitman•

Yes, you definitely should. It's okay to say you're inexperienced but under no circumstances should you say that you have no experience.

Because instinctively she will assume that it's due to some personal failing.

6
DekkerDavezOne year until wizardhood! •

I'm not talking about it unless someone directly asks me. People can sense it anyways even without you uttering a single word. Got few surprised reactions though.

6
gore313•

Hell Yea I would lie. It's not like you are going to end up marrying the first girl you date. In fact more than likely as an FA the first relationship you have will end quick because you will have no clue how to be in a relationship

5
captaindestucto•

Just don't bring it up. Let her figure it out for herself, she doesn't need to hear it from you.

If she senses how inexperienced you are with the physical side of things then she'll be aware that you're probably lying.

And f she tries to verify your story with your friends and family then she'll definitely know.

Along with that, there's an opinion gaining traction within progressive circles that men who aren't entirely honest about their sexual histories (or lack thereof) are guilty of seriously creepy behaviour.

Paranoia perhaps, but I've actually seen it argued that a man lying about his virginity in order to get someone in the sack is guilty of sexual assault... believe it or not.

5
Adohira•

No.

4
Oconnellskid•

I wouldn't lie about it, but i can't see myself getting into a situation where this question would come up anyway, if you know what i mean.

If it's the right person, it doesn't matter how (in)experienced someone is.

4
throwitaway7222•

Yeah. Tons of people lie their asses off early on in relationships. You don't just unload all your bagga on someone right off the bat

3
oizz•

I think you have to read the room. I didn’t lie and I’m happy I didn’t, but I can also imagine it easily going south depending on the girl and where you’re at with her.

3
ByronicAsianMAKOTO DECLARED BEST GIRL; I mean srsly how is she so perfect•

Hell yes

3
PitifulProgrammer25M KHHV•

Not lying about it would significantly decrease our chances of getting a girl, and the only thing we should be wanting to do is increasing our chances. So lying is the logical thing to do.

3
[deleted]•

[deleted]

3
Stone-The-Gnomes•

I wouldn't lie about it, I just wouldn't say anything unless asked directly.

3