My girlsfriend tells me I can have some sex, then 20 minutes later she passes out. She's in a pretty deep sleep. Does this mean I can no longer get my sex?
Posted Dec 30, 2009, 6:36 AM UTC
72238
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23
Jerk it and snooze. It won't be the first time, nor the last.
17
good call.
5
I like being woken up to sex, so for me, I would say,"Hell yeah, get some."
16
are you a guy or a girl? I think this plays a major factor.
5
Woman. 32
10
Then you're a rare jewel.
6
Let's spoon.
2
I'd rather fork
2
[deleted]
1
[deleted]
0
5th grade called, they want their joke back.
1
You forgot the 0 after 32 for your weight.
0
HAHA! No, believe it or not, there are hot girls who enjoy sex, are faithful, intelligent and fun to be around. I am 5'10" and 145.
12
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-3
ya know, it isn't half bad to wake with your boyfriend having his way with you... sometimes I pretend to continue sleeping.
4
My girlfriend says the exact same thing. I still thought it was not cool for a long time, until she woke me up with sex. Still, it's not something you should do every night.
3
Dude why are you asking Reddit if you can have sex with your girlfriend? This is her decision, not ours. Talk to her!
What the fuck.
16
Pay no attention to this man's bolded words.
You know why.
2
[deleted]
15
yes... you're right. I have a mission to accomplish and I'm not going to get this ruin my night. It's been a long week already. Not to mention I cleaned the entire apartment! I deserve sex conscious or not (in my option).
5
"I deserve sex, conscious or not."
-T-shirt of the century
14
only if it has a Tyrannosaurus on it.
3
[deleted]
2
I would agree, if I thought women didn't enjoy sex and only did it as a favor to their men, but at least with myself, this is not the case.. so yeah, I just pretend it is a bigger favor for him then it really is.
2
[deleted]
0
Wait wait wait....
Am I the only one who picked up on the following facts.
- Dating for 6 years.
- Living together.
- Seperate rooms???
12
I noticed that too... Dude, if you've really been dating for so long then why are you still in separate rooms?
3
Snoring?
4
Much better alternatives to fix this than different rooms.
2
No sex - 20 minutes was fair on her part to wait before passing out. Not a perpetual guarantee. Carpe diem was coined for this exact situation.
If you came to check your orangered during those twenty minutes...well it makes sense to ask for advice here also!
10
This man is right. You said "sex?" she said "yes", and if you didn't start immediately, well then that's it, game over.
1
It depends. How much of a scumbag are you?
8
I mean, compared to the average guy, I'm pretty average.
8
first define "My girlsfriend". Is she your girlfriend or your girlfriends friend? second define "some sex". Finally I must add that no you will not be able to get it unless you wake her and ask politely. Alternatively you could just pee on her.
7
lol
She has been my g/f for almost 5 years or 6 years, I honestly cant remember (i am trying to find out though, secretly). Some sex in this case meant I was free to do what I wanted, she didn't expect anything in return and the job could have been done in under 5 minutes and right now I'd be in a deep sleep.
I get the politely thing, but shes PASSED OUT. I mean out cold. I think if I'm careful, she won't notice a thing. Then I can leave her a nice note on her bedside and then go to my room. That's not rape. I had consent and she loves sex.
-4
I had consent
Had, not have.
5
umm, what were you doing in those 20 minutes? could that be why she passed out?
7
I was on reddit!
13
so, some guys smoke after sex, other take a piss, but my advice for you, my friend, is reddit after sex
12
Yeah, thats good advice.
8
Yeah, right. No one just spends 20 minutes on Reddit. No one!
4
Yup, you need to prioritize. When you say 20 minutes later, was it more like 2 hours or so?
3
If you are a gentleman you will turn to madame Thumb and her four comely daughters and no, bukaka is frowned upon in such situations.
7
Truthfully I believe the point was that you can have sex... Now. Having waited 20 minutes she fell asleeep, your bad. You should have jumped when given the chance.
6
You're right. But I didn't know my time frame was so short plus she took a xanax so she cheated! I was just trying to finish reading a few more reddit posts. I finally finish, walk in her room and that was the end of it. Fuck.
-2
upvoted for priorities. reddit > "some sex".
8
Poor baby.
3
"Get my sex"? Do I sense some sort of entitlement? She's passed out but I gotta "get my sex".
Rapist
6
Misanthrope
-1
Unfortunately that means you can't. Most likely you should break up with her.
5
I can't. She just let me move into her condo! If I break up with her i'll never have sex or a roof over my head.
3
She just let me move into her condo! If I break up with her i'll never have sex or a roof over my head.
Sugar momma?
Kudos to you, sir. Who is the dominant one during sex?
5
Likely depends on who is conscious at the time.
18
[deleted]
1
me! lol
1
No. If she is not conscious it is rape. If you love her at all, help her with her hangover or whatever and enjoy the sex together later on. EDIT: If you stick your dick in an unconscious person...how is it really different from sticking it in a pie, or cake, or a hole in the wall? Maybe you have no desire to please your sexual partner.
5
If you stick your dick in an unconscious person...how is it really different from sticking it in a pie, or cake, or a hole in the wall?
Speaking from a natural perspective, the differences are dramatic.
Frankly, you need to seed this female ASAP in the name of natural selection. If you wimp out you're no good to the progress of the species. Anything less is a disservice to your ancestors. Millions of years ago men would traverse the highest mountains and deepest rivers to get the same opportunity that is now present before you.
In any case it's only rape if she says no. If she's asleep she has no opinion on the matter.
11
In any case it's only rape if she says no. If she's asleep she has no opinion on the matter.
That may be your personal opinion but in many places its not the law. What may be causing some confusion for people is that in the US different states have different laws. In Kentucky it wouldn't be a crime. In California it would be rape. In Alaska 2nd degree sexual assault.
3
Well I don't have a pie or a cake and I'm not about to make a hole in the wall. This condo has lost enough value on its own this year.
I just want sex. Fuck I'm gonna be on reddit all night unless I pull the spider trick, which does sound like it will work.
2
Shhh...tell that to the poster. I'm sure he's eager to have many babies.
1
Okay, now I no longer need sex. Thank You!
5
He is, however historically he was not required to know it.
1
Consent has been given while conscious.
5
I do like to please. But she wasn't in the mood. However, shes very accommodating, so the sex was just for me. Like I said, she won't feel a thing.
5
"she won't feel a thing"
hmm, it takes a man to admit that.
8
Hey, I'm an average guy and I can be subtle.
3
subtlety is definitely something to be appreciated.
2
Consent cannot be given by someone even under the influence, let alone unconscious.
3
Exactly my point, my astute friend.
3
I agree. However, consent was giving prior to her taking the xanax so she was not under the influence.
1
Sorry, that's not how it works. You can't give consent for a future period of time when you'll be under the influence.
4
If she has included in her consent an understanding that she was going to become under the influence/unconscious and explicitly extend her consent to cover that period, yes, she could do that.
It may vary by locale whether women have the right to consent like normal adults or if they're being coddled as mentally defective and unable to bear the responsibility of their informed choices.
1
Hmm. So let me make sure I understand this.
She can take MY xanax after she gives concent, then fall asleep and if I find a way to hit it anyway, I'm the one who's in the doghouse and possibly in jail?
-1
I was just going to say "You're doing it wrong" but this is more elegant and exactly what I wanted to say. Yippee for not having to type it out myself.
3
I've woken up to being ridden many times over the years...and was pretty damn happy about it...
but according to you...does that mean I've been repeatedly raped? Is this a law somewhere?
1
Several US states has laws against having sex with people while sleeping or unconscious. However, if you were "happy about it" it must be assumed that it wasn't a crime.
3
I think it was a joke.
-1
Some joke, that.
3
I dunt think it wur
1
I just didn't understand why you were giving serious advice to the OP.
0
Why shouldn't I? I'm an old man with a little time to kill. I've seen things, done things. I know a little about life, so I figured why not say something? At most I'd have some inexperienced kid named truco question me, but that's a small price to pay.
3
It wasn't. She was out to dinner, came home and I was very nice and asked how her dinner was. She said okay then I said "i need some pussy, I'm stressed." She laughed and just said okay.
THEN SHE PASSED OUT!
-1
"i need some pussy, I'm stressed." She laughed and just said okay.
subtlety?
Edit: sorry for the misquote, I am almost as bad as fox news.
2
Ha, yes. She's the coolest girlfriend I've ever had. Smart, educated, good career, honest but still has that freak in her. I've had a bad run these last few years but I struck gold on this one.
1
Nope, that coupon done expired.
5
I think your use of retard language deserves no sex for three months. She probably is just pretending to be asleep becuase you're an idiot.
Dumbass.
5
Depends. Is she your sex toy or a human friend. If sex toy have fun! If human, practice controlling your primary brain with the one between your ears. Good luck!
4
How about you try something really radical and just ask your girlfriend.
4
Here's the plan:
Pull back all the covers and slap her really hard on the thigh.
She'll wake up and scream at you. She'll probably ask what the fuck your problem is.
Just ignore her and look around frantically under sheets you just pulled back.
She'll ask you again what the fuck you're doing.
Just say, "shhhh!! there was a huge spider on you, I have to find it!"
If she's like most girls, she will probably freak out and jump out of the bed. She'll be wide awake, heart pounding.
Pretend to look around for the spider a minute more, then pretend you see it in the corner. Go stomp on it, and pretend to flush it down the toilet.
Return to bed a moment later, and be really sweet: "I'm sorry babe, I didn't mean to scare you. Come here, and we'll cuddle."
She returns to bed, and you say "Is your thigh okay? I think I slapped it kind of hard"... then you start rubbing it gently.
If you can't get laid from that point, then you don't deserve to.
Best advice I've seen since I saw your username.
Genius. But you can really only use it once. Do you have any more gems like this? I want to subscribe to some feed for stories/ideas like this.
Ask and ye shall receive!
Plan 2: Rabies Check
Go to the bedroom door, and open it slowly, so as no to wake up the girlfriend.
Then, turn on the light, scream really loud and duck.
She will wake up, and ask what's going on.
You say, "There was a bat in here! It was on the bed! It just flew out! Stay here!"
Then, leave the bedroom and close the door behind you. Go get a broom, and make a racket all over the house like you're chasing something. Knock over a lamp for effect.
If your girlfriend comes out of the bedroom at any time, scream at her to go back in!
Open the front door and pretend to chase the bat outside.
Okay, now return to the bedroom. You should be a little out of breath at this point- it will help the illusion.
Tell her that when you came in the bat was on the bed, so you should probably check her to make sure she wasn't bitten! Bats carry rabies, you know. Remember bat bites look like mosquito bites, you'll need to be thorough.
As you start checking her for bites, you realize that she'll probably be a little grossed out at this point, so you say: "I think we'll both feel better if we take a nice warm shower."
So now, you're in the shower, checking her body for bite marks, warm water cascading down her ample breasts. And you are the manly hero who rescued her from that creature of the night. Time to claim your prize.
I'm sensing a common theme. May be suspicious if I am constantly finding creepy creatures in the night and then want sex after getting rid of them.
Fine.
Plan 3: The Sweet Dream
Preparation: Go to the fridge and cut open an onion. Get onion juice on the index finger and thumb of your right hand.
Get into bed with your sleeping girlfriend. Make sure she's really sleeping, or this could backfire badly.
Next, turn on the bedside lamp, and shake your girlfriend awake in an angry manner.
When she asks you what your problem is, you just say: "Who the FUCK is Steve?" (I prefer the name Steve, but the idea is to pick a name that she has never mentioned before)
She'll have no idea who you're talking about.
You say, "You heard me! Who the fuck is Steve?! You were moaning in your sleep. And you kept saying 'steve! steve!"
She'll continue to deny and tell you that she has no idea what you're talking about.
At this point you should sit up in bed and face away from her. Use the hand with the onion juice to rub your eyes. They should start to get watery. DO NOT SAY ANYTHING FOR AT LEAST 40 SECONDS. Just breath really shallow.
She will wonder what is going on, and she'll try to get you to turn and face her.
In a really quiet voice, tell her that you really love her, and you thought that this was something special.
At this point let her see your teary eyes, but only for a second. Then look away, because you're a man, and that means you're too proud to cry.
She is a woman, so she will comfort you. This will probably include some kissing and hugging, while she tells you that you're the only one for her.
Hold out for another 20 seconds or so, and then turn and hold her. Tell her you don't know what you'd do without her.
There you are, both wide awake, in a tender embrace. Kiss her lightly on both cheeks, then a slow light kiss on the lips. Then stare in her eyes and plant a good passionate kiss on her.
GAME ON.
See, the trick is that you don't want sex, you just get it.
These are creative. I guess the key here is to be creative. Well Mr. Flossdaily, you gave me all the tools I need to succeed. I'm going to go with the spider since she said she saw one yesterday, then I'm gonna get what I was promised.
I appreciate your assistance. You're good at this, almost a little too good. If this doesnt work, I wont even care, its funny and that alone is enough to satisfy me for the night.
Well it has been 17 minutes since your last reply. You've either given up and gone to bed or the spider trick worked. Huzzah!
and... get back here to reply if everything went better than expected.
I thank you for encouraging reddit readers to shower more often.
eventually she's going to think your home is infested by a bunch of horrible critters.
This sounds like part of the DENNIS system.
Again, these are hilarious and could work.
[deleted]
I'm sure you can use it more than once if you live in Australia. I understand from reddit that the entire country is crawling with spiders.
In fact, I am a spider.
This is correct. Australian women consider a man's ability to kill a spider before they decide whether to date them or not. Also, there is something strangely erotic about a guy with a broom squishing a spider yelling "Stay down bitch! Die spider die!" or maybe that's just me.
If he does, he should start a blog. And Mr. flossdaily, if you do, please let me know.
Wow, you are seriously a genus. Yes, I'm doing this. Unless anyone has any good porn links???
Yes, his genus is Homo.
ah crap
Absolutely not. Do this first, and post the results. The reward for your efforts will be good porn links.
Pics or I will not believe it.
Second.
I feel the need to point out the odd fact that were are all a genus, specifically homo.
Hehe, my boyfriend just did this after reading your comment, but he was so cool about it I knew there wasn't really a spider.
Protip: If you've killed spiders in front of the girl before make sure you act the same way about it.
or just keep a jar of spiders hidden somewhere.
[deleted]
not if you don't suck at hiding stuff.
if you're a guy - you should know how to hide shit.
kinda like you did with porn when you were young.
all that was - was preparation.
continue to hide porn because you can't has your sex.
or hide the fucking spiders so you can has sex.
Sir, I offer you this username.
That's very kind of you, I'm happy with the one I've got at the moment.
All right - Keep up the good work.
I find your ideas fascinating and would like to subscribe to your newsletter. No, really.
One question though... do you have any advice on how to get a woman into your bed?
Yes. I call this one "The Lucky Fucker"
Preparation:
You will need 1 lottery ticket -non-scratch off. You will need to laminate it.
You will need about a dozen different "congratulations" cards and an empty Champaign bottle.
You will need some opened caviar. Take one bite, put the rest in the fridge.
You will need two fully refundable tickets to Paris for the following evening. One in your name, one under the name "Mrs. Right"
You will need your best suit, and at 2 friends or coworkers- also well dressed.
You will all need matching novelty sunglasses or hats. Anything that makes it look like you've been out partying and celebrating.
You will need one of your friends willing to call you at 8:00AM the next day.
The plan:
Wait until about half-past midnight.
Have everyone take a couple of shots of whiskey to loosen you up, and give you the proper aroma BEFORE you enter the bar.
Enter with a little bit of fanfare. Have one of your friends say loudly, "come on guys... just one more!"
Then you all walk in and approach the hottest group of girls you can find.
Right away, have one of your friends offer to buy the girls anything they want- a bottle of champaign for the table, whatever!
Then you and your other body say "slow down killer! Wait until the money is actually in the account."
At this point the guy who just offered to buy the girls drinks, says "Do you know who this fucker is? (he points to you) This fucker right here is the luckiest fucker in fucking world. Do you fucking know why? SHOW THEM!"
(he then reaches into your pocket and pulls out the laminated lottery ticket. He shows it to the table.)
They'll ask how much you won, and if the ticket is real.
You tell them that you just won $330,000. You already visited lottery headquarters and did all the paperwork, but they let you keep the ticket.
Have your friend keep offering to make you buy the drinks, but then you say really loudly that you can't pay for anything until the money gets deposited- and you already maxed out your cards on the plane tickets. Tell the ladies that you will buy them a round though to apologize for your friend.
Now, find the hottest girl in the group, and ask her if she wants to come to Paris with you. She'll ask you if you're serious... That's when you pull out your two tickets. Tell her that you think she looks like Mrs. Right to you.
Invite her back to your place. She should see all the letters congratulating you on your good luck. She'll see the spent Champaign bottle.
Offer her some caviar. Tell her you got it because that's what rich people do- but tell her you didn't like the taste.
By now she should have totally bought into the illusion. She thinks you're rich. She will sleep with you.
At 8:00 the next morning, you will get a call from "the lottery commission headquarters"- there is a problem with the machine that printed your ticket. It had been tampered with. Your funds are on hold and there will be an investigation.
End the call by saying "What does that mean 'criminal charges? do I need a lawyer?!'"
Hang up, and turn to your recently-sleeping beauty. "Sorry, babe, Paris is cancelled... it looks like I might be in trouble. Let me call you a cab."
I've friended you and am waiting for enrollment in your newsletter.
ditto
How about if I buy the champagne and caviar and you bring two girls over? I don't think I can do this without you, my own personal Cyrano de Bergerac.
I live about 45 minutes away from any female under the age of 40. Yay rural NJ. My skills are going to waste.
Are you Neil Strauss or something?
clearly he's Barney Stinson, and this is an entry in the Playbook.
I don't know. I'll ask around.
I run a dating/pickup artist company.
Speaking from experience, you can accomplish this same thing with the same girl (and probably two at the same time) with the following.
A suit and two grams of decent coke.
Alternatively, if you already have two cool guy friends willing to have fun wearing party glasses and go to the bar, you're already a fun, interesting guy that attractive girls will naturally be attracted to if you have even the slightest bit of game. It's boring guys that think you need to "buy" a girl with money/lottery/bullshit. If you're the most fun option in the bar, you will attract women.
I am a girl and this would so work on me. I would especially feel bad that I got mad when the guy was saving me from a spider. So, try it out fellas, just not on me. Actually, even though I read this, it probably would still work anyway.
That's hilarious. I hope this works for every man who tries it.
Well then I feel sorry for the spiders.
I feel sorry for the thighs.
I made an account just so that I could praise you. You, sir, are amazing.
Wow. Thanks! I'm flattered.
Somebody give this guy a medal. This is the best thing I've ever heard.
Awesome plan. I'm replying just to save this.
Suave!
You're incredible.
are you a genuis??
I'm going to pretend that's a French word, pronounced jean-wee. To answer your question, yes, he's a jean-wee.
Oui, il est un vrai genuis.
Trés genuis.
Genius is as genius does.
Perfect advice.
Wow... that's fucking awesome.
im writing this down so i dont ever forget this....you sir are a wise man
If you have to TRICK your girlfriend into having sex with you...
The utility of this method is that you get the sex, WITHOUT also losing some points by interrupting her sleep.
tested and confirmed. you are a genius. I'll let you know how paris is going.