Just, IDK, don't drink every night, maybe?

This is Alcoholism. This is incredibly unhealthy for him physically, and you mentally. This has to change. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS. You deserve a partner in life, not another person to tend to. Don't put up with this.

I'm sorry you're going through that, bromo.

You know, I have found that, through the experience of surviving a few terrible life choices, if your thoughts on something include a mantra of "I know it's not that bad compared to x, y, or z," it's bad enough that it needs to be addressed anyway.

honey you're not competing for a medal in the misery olympics. your problem doesn't have to be worse than anyone else's for it to still be a problem and a big deal. it's not nothing. he honestly sounds alcoholic, if he's getting black-out drunk most nights of the week. being able to quit temporarily for a short period doesn't make it not alcoholism (hell, "i can quit anytime!" is practically the slogan of alcoholics avoiding AA). he's disrupting your mental health, he's putting your physical safety at risk making you drive with poor vision, he's putting HIS physical health at risk.

i second the suggestion to try recording him - maybe set up a nanny cam so it's not like "this is going viral on worldstar!" type footage, just "an objective viewpoint on your behavior every evening." i mean the fact he doesn't remember what he did the night before is a red flag in itself. but he can't get help until he accepts that he has a problem, that it isn't normal or healthy or safe to get drunk every night.

Hi, are you me?

I have the same issues with my husband.

It’s likely alcoholism. If alcohol causing issues in any aspect of his life (your relationship), it’s a problem. I highly suggest checking out r/alanon and hitting up an al anon meeting in your area. It saved my sanity. Well, al anon, therapy, and cbd saved my sanity; but al anon helped A LOT!

Having a glass of wine or a beer to unwind in the evenings is one thing. But it sounds like he is doing way more than that and when it negatively affects your family like that, it's a legitimate problem and you shouldn't have to "put up with it." Maybe you could record the way he acts one night and show it back to him the next day.

Hi. I'm a mom and an alcoholic. Only been recovered a little over a year. A so stereotypical it's sad story of mommy wine o'clock turning into mommy vodka o'clock. I am not trying to hijack your thread, I'm sharing my experience because it might help you in your planning process.

I worked all day and did most of the home stuff in the evenings. I know it sounds crazy but it wasn't unusual for me to get blackout drunk and do the dishes and laundry. I felt very justified because I was working my ass off. And because I was an active addict and justifying is what we do. I knew I should quit but the desire to not stop drinking is so, so strong. As I started drinking more every evening, I tried to ignore the fall-out and so did my husband. As I started passing out every evening my husband kind of talk to me about cutting back. So I started sneak drinking. Then my husband tried to encourage me to quit drinking and we did a kind of a don't ask don't tell thing, where we didn't talk about drinking and I pretended I wasn't drunk and would gas light my husband every time he questioned me, which was rarely. Because he didn't know what to say. Because I was lying to him and he couldn't tell truth from fiction.

Eventually, the morning after a bad night, my husband (who is one of the most compassionate people I have ever known), told me he felt like 'beating the shit out of' me the night before. It wasn't a threat, in fact he was tearful because he felt so bad about it, but he was letting me know how far I had pushed him. Everyone's wake-up call is different but for me, that shocked me enough to get the moment of clarity I needed to understand that I had to choose to get help and recover or lose my family.

I would never have quit on my own. If my husband was willing to ignore it most of the time I would still be drinking today . Being a functional alcoholic made it very easy to tell myself I deserved a break and keep drinking. But, if I had kept drinking, I would have gotten worse. Because 'they' say that is usually how it goes and since I worked my way from two glasses of wine to a pint of vodka most evenings, well, I believe them.

I don't think it is a bad idea to record your husband as you mentioned in a different response. Being confronted with ourselves when we are drunk and gross is so devastating to the story we tell ourselves that we're not hurting anyone or that we're really not that drunk.

I wish you the best of luck in addressing the situation as you see fit ❤

Omg- are you me? Except mine reeks of whiskey.

I’m sorry you’re going through this! I second al-anon. You can’t make him want to change. Nothing is going to convince him except consequences in his life, like you moving out or divorcing him. Losing one’s job tends to be far down on the list of consequences for men, they usually can keep it together there best and their first consequences will come from their private lives. His addiction will make him lie to you, gaslight you, make you feel crazy. Your feelings are valid! Your experience is valid! His drinking is NOT normal.

Al anon. It’s not for him, it’s for you. Stopping drinking every now and then is part of the alcoholic ritual of proving that you aren’t an alcoholic. My dad drank until he lost his family. Please start addressing this now, at least for yourself and for your baby.

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There are too many “almost alcoholics” in my life. Their behavior can be just as destructive as s true alcoholic’s. I just found out about this book. You may want to check it out: https://www.hazelden.org/web/public/almost_alcoholic.page