When the rain poured through
and our shelter was broken,
I found myself drowning
In our words unspoken.
In silver slippers you stepped
Into the grass that night
Beautiful in your freedom
Framed in the death of light.
And with faith and without confidence
A broken man with a whole heart
Was left in his broken shelter
To restart.
Posted May 24, 2019, 3:11 PM UTC
Interesting to contemplate a broken man with a whole heart. It's a difficult line, and loaded with the cinematic nature of the poem, rhyming in meaning with the death of light and faith without confidence. Tight, paradoxical incongruence highlighting the difficulty of the misfortune. Interesting too that the speaker himself is drowning in 'our words unspoken'. The relationship between the speaker and this man kept unclear. And another paradox, a poet dying by unspoken words rather than living!
Reading this left me perplexed! I love the mysterious imagery, really makes you ponder what's presented.
Whoever the poet is speaking to seems to leave this shelter and walk out in the night. Does that mean the writer is the broken man? Or is this broken shelter a metaphor for something else, perhaps lack of self-control? What does the silver slippers represent? Fantasy, hope? What does it mean to be broken with a whole heart? So many questions! Great writing, I loved it.
Hey, thanks for the feedback! I’ll answer your questions -
The shelter was the safety and security of a relationship. When it ends, the safety is broken and you’re vulnerable again. The subject in the silver slippers is the speaker’s S/O who leaves.
The silver slippers represent a kind of perfection and innocence that may not be deserved. Grass represents freedom, in this case freedom from the shelter (or relationship) which was safe, but confining.
The night represents the unknown, and framing in the death of light refers to a remembered image since the person in the silver slippers has left, with the light (hope, joy).
The 3rd party perspective is to indicate the objectivity of the situation - rather than it being an emotional outpouring by the speaker.
The paradox of the broken man with a whole heart (and faith/confidence) is about faith he has to rebuild, even though he can’t see that it will help at all.
This has been a long post but that’s the full meaning :)
That's so beautiful. So happy you expanded on this, always love to get the poets perspective! Thank you.
Amazing work. "In our words unspoken", I find myself relating to this line deeply. I think the beginning and the end is quite strong and easily explains your emotions. It makes it more relateable to those who have been through similar situations themselves. The middle part feels more "free to interpret" and although I like it, I personally feel if you consistently kept interpreting your own emotions throughout the whole poem then it would be more beautiful to read. But it's beautiful none the less.
Awesome write, really cool concept. Makes me think of some missile silo shelter. I like the repetition of words, broken in the last couple lines is a good example of that. Broken man/broken shelter, but whole heart, I like that concept a lot, like this shell of ours protecting out heart. Whatever hell we put the shell through the important part, that spark in the tinder bundle keeps smoking. The one thing I MIGHT change, and it's a big might, would be to take the And out of the 4th to last line all together. I think "With faith and without confidence" strikes a little more clearer than the repetition of and. Awesome write.