passing through Wyoming

After reading the piece, I think the narrator is the state of Wyoming itself, or maybe nature? It is hard to pinpoint who the narrator is, but that could be purposeful.

You paint a picture well of Wyoming and how bleak it is through the simplicity of your language. You don't get flowery and extravagant with your language because the setting doesn't deserve that. It is almost as if the state just wants you to turn around and leave with how harsh it is.

I really don't have any critique for this piece, as I think it works well as is. Congrats, and thank you for the read!

Short and simple, the lack of punctuation aids the breezy nature of it, and echoes bits of Basho. I like it a lot, the wording is vivid and striking and conveys well a sense of desolation and loneliness. Last line is a lovely bit of jarring weirdness, contrasting with the screams. I really have nothing I can seemingly critique it on.

I have to say I agree with the previous commenters. The choice of vocabulary is very concise and punctuates your imagery very effectively. The length of the sentences and the overall shape of the poem also create this sense of Wyoming physically in my head (if that makes sense). Well conveyed, and I was excited to read it as I was randomly thinking about Wyoming today!

Lovely poem. Seems like others are coming up empty on critiques, I guess I'll try to come up with something.

I think four lines is too scant to give the reader an opportunity to feel much. It makes me feel like there is missing information, such as who is passing through Wyoming and why. How do they feel about it? Maybe a contrasting to other environments could be good too. I don't mean to be a curmudgeon but I thought you might appreciate a different perspective.

beautiful, rich with feeling. makes me want to visit wyoming haha

I think this is a good start to something, but I do not get the sense that it is complete or meaningful on its own. I want to know what is saying 'how dare you' and I want to know if it is a warning or a reconciliation, and whether it is native to Wyoming or something that doesn't want the narrator to go there. I think that ending with 'tornadoes steal your kite' is a little bland. A kite can resemble a lot of things, such as innocence, but a tornado is an extraordinarily powerful thing and it would go without saying that it would steal your kite, did the narrator expect it not to? I think a line like 'And tornadoes steal your breath' would make it a little more heavy, a little more meaningful. I think this is a good start, I just think it's missing a point, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be feeling as I read this. I appreciate the lines though and again think it's a good start to something that could be intoxicating.

Fantastic summation on Wyoming. A wonderful place, terrifying in its emptiness, beautiful in the same. I think you captured the sense of it without needing to go into the red roads, lack of trees, etc. Next time, take a dip in the hot springs of Thermopolis. :)